I am sinking into one of those abysmal pits that I slip into from time to time... only this time it's different. See, for the past, oh, six or seven years, maybe longer, my heart has been effectively dormant. hibernating. maybe even dead, I don't know. In some ways it was good. I could move through the world and through life without many cuts and bruises, and everything stayed on a pretty level frequency. Yeah, it was lonely sometimes, but there are always books to curl up with, music to live through, and someone with a story to make me shine vicariously. And then I was roused from my slumber, made to live again. I was thrown into the mix, and glowed all on my own, without reflecting the light of anothers glory. And for one brief, wonderful point in time I understood what I'd been missing, what was possible. It was beautiful and wonderful and then it was gone, but not without promise.

And now, separated by time and space, I am wracked with self-doubt and fear. Fear that maybe it was all a dream that crept up while I slept. Self-doubt that maybe I read too much into things. Fear that things will go back to the way they were before, or something even worse.