To my friends who have expressed concern, please don't bother worrying about me. I'm fine, and I can handle all of this perfectly well, I'm just being a bit self-indulgent lately. I'm really just being frusterated and impatient is all. I know where I want to be, and I've done my part (I even sent in my FAFSA on time and had my SAT scores sent... how about that?) So now it's just a waiting game, and we all know I have little patience. I've made up my mind, now why is everything moving so slow? Typical scorpio/leo mix, I guess? And I guess it's also that now that I've made the difinitive steps towards leaving this school forever, I don't have much desire to try and like it here anymore. That and I can't wait for Amie and OTB to get here. I think their visit will do me a lot of good, really. If I can't get to California, at least I can bring a piece of California to me, right? And can you even fathom how many pictures I'm going to take over that six day period? At least most of them won't be of me. And then this summer I will be back in California for a while. Maybe not forever, but who knows. And what will I have learned from this place? First of all that I can exist anywhere, but that I need to be selective if I really want to live. How to atrophy myself to a certain degree, but also the consequences of doing so. I probably shouldn't voluntarily remove myself from the ocean for more than a few months at a time, if it can be avoided. Do I regret coming here? Absolutely not. It put me into the right places and times to meet some amazing people, one of whom I am taking with me to Humboldt. I've been exposed to some wonderful educators. I've had some amazing experiences. I've accomplished some pretty cool things. But I don't need to be here anymore. It's become stagnant, and it's time for me to move on to new horizons and accomplishments. What do I hope to accomplish back in California, and specifically in going to Humboldt? Hopefully find and understand the ballance between too close to home and a million miles away. Become an active force in my sisters life again, for sure. I want her to know that the world is a big place and that she can explore all of it, but I also want her to know that she's important enough for me to want to be closer to her. I'm also really looking forward to inhabiting a new space, full of niches and possibilities yet unexplored. Places to perch or explore, and the mobility to do so. And a new school with new possibilities, and hopefully a good theatre department and choir, so that I don't feel compelled to run avoid said ventures like I do here. Anything else on the agenda? Have to wait and see.