so, I guess it's time to post and let you all know that I'm not dead or anything. I dunno if this will make sense or be another stream-of-consciousness entry, or maybe both or neither or whatever.

* It's the same story of my life, right? I had to leave him again, turn around and walk away, knowing that we'd be hundreds of miles away again. It's only three weeks this time, but that doesn't even matter anymore, the point is that I feel incomplete without him around and it's horrible and no one around here really understands it. I know, at least on that level, what my future holds, I know where I'll be and who I will be with, and it just seems stupid to not be there with him right now. I feel stuck in an obsolete phase of my life, like I'm just treading water or something. It's not that I can't live without him, it's not like I'll become sexually frustrated from the distance, it's not like I need him to validate my existence or any of those codependent things that make the feminist in me cringe. It's just that things feel different when he's around. I have someone to talk to, that I can be completely vulnerable and myself with, and share things with. With him around, I know things will be ok. Even when things are bad, or one of us is upset or in a pissy mood (usually me), I still know we're solid, we'll be ok. I still know all of the now, but it's like the time I got back into Pittsburgh in the wee hours of the morning, took a cab back to an empty campus, passed through the empty halls of the dorm and up to my room with no roommate. When we're far apart it's like in one of those movies where everyone is just gone and there's just one character wandering around wondering what happened. It's a different universe, where we're the only two in existence, and without him it's awfully lonely here. I guess the days when people looked forward to a future and a family with just one person are obsolete nowadays, and maybe that's why I feel like such a mutant for wanting those things. I don't care though, I wouldn't give up that dream for anything.

* I have: 3 papers, 2 finals, and a play/video response due by the end of the next three weeks. In order of due date (some of these are approximations):
Knitting Paper for Art History (Dec. 5)
Shakespeare Paper (Dec. 10)
Crit Theory Paper (Dec. 16)
Response Paper for Shakespeare
Human Genetics Final
Art History Final (Dec. 19)

* I have to get my yearly physical exam... I wouldn't even bother except that I need a new prescription for my birth control so I don't bleed to death. I hate my body and I'm fairly certain that it also hates me.

* Working on my knitting paper just makes me want to go knit. This is not a good thing.

* Fuzzy has another interview tomorrow, so everyone think happy thoughts and send good vibes his way.

* I slept horribly last night. No fuzzy = disturbance in the force.

* My sister is doing really well with the Oboe, and she let me try it and I like it a lot.

* Did I mention this will be our first Christmas actually spent together? I remember how much I missed him last year, and how much I wished we could have spent it together, and this year it's actually going to happen. I love Christmas so much, and this will be perfect, even though we're both broke and I probably won't be done with his blanket yet. We can go look at Christmas lights with the mamma and Amie like I do every year.

* I got a new knitting book (Stitch & Bitch), and it's the coolest thing ever, with the cutest patterns. I really wanted to get the big Vogue Knitting book too, and the mamma gave me the money, but I couldn't justify getting it for this paper and I knew she couldn't really afford it, so I passed it up. Maybe for Christmas? It has so many different kinds of patterns and stitches....

* Everyone loved my black hat, and it's been dubbed the Russian Snow Princess Hat, and the mamma and my sister both want one. It's been very popular, maybe I should sell them on ebay? I can knit them up really fast, in a day if I sat down all day with it, and the yarn wasn't very expensive... plus it's really soft.... hmmmmm....

* "Le sange est sur la branche" has been replaced with "Gimme a f*ckin banana." We went from one monkey joke to another. Go fig.

* My neighbor said we could adopt Franny when we get our own place :) Woot woot. I picked up some cat treats for her, and now Fuzzy is complaining that she waltzes in and goes right where the treats are every time she comes into the room. It's not my fault, I just wanted to give her treats.

* didn't get to see as much of my friends as I wanted... Phug and Stdiva, sorry I'm such a sleepy head, but you know I'm turning ancient before my time. Jen, who won band jam? We stayed until just before awards, but it was a school night and I had to get Amie home. I looked all over for you with no luck, were you in the CalHi section or somewhere else? I kept hoping you'd spot my purple hair, but to no avail.

* 18 days until I leave for home. I will leave the 19th come hell or high water (and either is possible in lovely Humboldt County, California), but hopefully the finals gods will smile upon me and I'll be able to leave sooner. Cross your fingers, y'all.