Well, now that I'm here at work with some serious time on my hands, I think I'll create *dun dun dun!*

MEGAPOST!!!!

So I'm having issues over the whole transfering thing... I still definitely want to do it, that I'm sure of. I'm just really really afraid that something stupid will prevent me from going. I don't know why I'm so worried, I just am. And it looks like two of my friends here will possibly be going too, hopefully. It would really be cool if we could all do this together, provided everything goes through. I'm just sort of mad at myself because I'm finding stupid things bothering me about the other school. The buildings aren't old and pretty, the area isn't particularly fascinating, and a slew of other things that really don't matter at all. At ALL! The academics are better, I can tell that just by the course offerings.... I'd be near my ocean, and the school even has a surf club I could join, which is really cool. I don't know if I will, it just depends on how clique-ish it is. If they're all a bunch of assholes who were born surfing, yeah, I probably won't join. If they're cool and don't mind the fact that I suck, it could be really cool. And there are some really awesome art classes I would love to take, not to mention the tons of classes they offer for Mitch Ellykins major that aren't offered here. Hopefully I'll like it when I go to see it over break... I've got my fingers crossed.

Second, apparently some people actually read this thing of mine... LoL... who knew? So I thought, hey! Time for an update. So my Mom and Facade are no longer dating. As it happens, the vacation that my mom invited him along for turned out to be the guillotine blade on the relationship this time. Kinda funny when I think at how hard my sister and I rebelled against him going. See, we went to Lake Tahoe, and we were out on one of the beaches. Well, there was this old pier, you know, like in the Country Time Lemonade commercials? And people were jumping off of it, and my sister wanted to do it. So we checked it out. It wasn't too deep or too shallow, adults and kids had been doing it for hours, and the water was so freaking clear you could see all they way to the bottom. Well, Facade freaked out because he's afraid of everything, and he didn't want her to do it... We let her do it anyway, and she had a blast with it. Thats a memory she'll have forever. Well, anyway, fast forward a few months. They go back to the psychologist, and all of a sudden he's having major issues about it. The idiot actually let my sister go out in his boat on the lake by herself, too, but don't even get me started on that one. So he tells the shrink that my Mom shouldn't have let her do that because he didn't want her too, and was all huffy and shit, and as usual was too fucking dense to notice anything anyone else was saying. And apparently the dr. told Facade he was an idiot, in nice words, of course. Big words that facade wouldn't understand. By the way, if said dr should ever read this, YOU ARE MY HERO. When I think of all the times that that stupid moron has put my sister in danger, it makes me want to vomit. At the age of 4 he put her on a ferris wheel with a stranger. When she was 6, his car broke down on the freeway, and he left her there, in the car, on the side of the fucking freeway while he walked blocks away to call for assistance. ALONE!!! ON THE FREEWAY!!!! Anything could have happened. And you know why I remember all of this?? Because my sister remembers every second of all of it, and it still affects her to this day... He's most of the reason she has abandonment issues and is afraid to be alone. So excuse me if I'm a little peeved when he gets mad at us for letting her jump into a lake, supervised, with numerous people already in the water. What a fucking hypocrite. And he's got a lot of damn nerve trying to tell my mom what she can and can't let my sister do. The asshole isn't even a fucking parent. When he comes over its to try to put his lecherous hands all over my mother and try and convince her to get back with him, and he's fucking ignores my sister. Thats why it hurt my sister so much when they started dating again, because she's used to him ignoring her, she's just not used to my mom playing into it. All he cares about is trying to take advantage of my mother. Even when he does do stuff with my sister, which is rare, he bugs my mom to go and he treats my sister like she's as dumb as he is. Thank god Amie got her brains from our side of the family. I have no use for the man... Even my sister doesn't want him around. She'll lie to him and make up excuses why he shouldn't come over. The only time she wants him around is when she wants him to buy her something, and you know why? Because he's been trying to buy her affection since she was a baby, and he's always made everything about money, so why the hell shouldn't she use him? Normally I'm against that sort of thing, but if thats his only use to her, then she might as well take advantage of it. He's not affectionate, he's not going to pass her any pearls of wisdom, he's not particularly supportive of her, and he doesn't make her feel good about herself, so he might as well shell out money, because thats the only thing he can do with any mild amount of talent.

So lately I've been finding that I have a lot of unresolved issues to work out, which is yet another reason why I need to be closer to home. Being 2500 miles away from home doesn't help, it only makes said issues more abstract. I still have unresolved feelings about my grandfathers death... and I haven't even begun to deal with the loss of my aunt. I knew that one was there, but I wasn't prepared... It hit me just a little the other day, for a split second, and I was in tears..... We were too close for any of it to be easy for me, but I don't feel like this is the right place for me to deal with it. Her ashes were spread at sea, so maybe that's why I've been craving the ocean and a beach on which to reflect so badly. I just know I need to be there, and not here anymore.