I'm starting to think that this was, perhaps, not the best idea in the world... I'm having a marvelous time with my sister, and OTB is being shockingly well behaved, but I feel like my peace of mind is being impinged upon (is that actually a word, impinged? I'm too lazy, and it sounds like a word, so if it's not, it should be.) I guess when you come right down to it, I've changed a whole lot since I came out here for school, and the me that everyone back there knows the best is the one who left two years ago, not the one thats here and now. I mean, sure, I've been back there since I came here, but only for the summers and christmas, and it's always been during vacations, so that doesn't even count when you think about it. I'm calmer here, more settled I think, and more at ease with myself because I'm not near the things that categorized the turbulence of my teenage years. But now it's like a reminder of all of the things I have worked so hard to get over has spilled into this place, and it doesn't feel the same. Granted, I bitch about being here all the time, and I don't want to stay, but at the very least it has offered me peace and quiet and a place to be alone when I need to. And I can feel that I'm acting different, and that really pisses me off. I mean, if the two of them visiting thrusts my personality into this much upheaval, then what does that say about me? Am I really that weak? Maybe once I get a better nights sleep I'll feel better. It has been really nice getting normally scheduled doses of Amie hugs, however. She's currently sleeping in my cubby of a closet, and it's unspeakably cute. God, I've missed her so much. And everyone here adores her too, which is awesome. Right now things are ok, because my neighbors (they of the "we have an extra bed" fame) have adopted OTB, so I'm getting a break, and Amie is reading quietly (couldn't fall asleep), which means I'll be able to study in peace and get a good nights sleep tonight. Not sure what this weekend is gonna be like, though hopefully I'll be able to hold on to my sanity. It would be nice if they had come when I was out of school, easier to manage and such, but I'm sure we'll have a good time in the end. I think most of my uneasiness is internal conflict that I need to deal with, and sticking to my guns so as not to slip back into old habits. Hopefully Humboldt, if I get in, will allow me to find the medium ground between too close and too far, and between overload and seclusion. But if nothing else, the past 24 hours have made me acutely aware of how much I will miss the friends I've made here... sooooo much.

p.s.~ to the Crown and the Phugmeister, I got your postcards. You guys rock hardcore, they really made me smile.