stacy was here (and probably spinning....)

 

 

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Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Saturday, March 30, 2002

So last night I got fershnickered and, with the courage of one who is inebriated, came a little bit closer to that oh-so-fearsome openness that has been eluding me for years... perhaps a little background is necessary?

See, from about since I can remember, my life has been one long, drawn out superficial lobotomy... Any time I got attached to anyone, or even just seemed like I was, well, disaster ensued. And most of the time it was caused by the apparently mistaken assumption that just because someone acts like they give a damn means the really do. And little by little, the whole "conditioned response" thing took effect, so eventually I became the poster child for emotional distance, with very little exception. I've never really been as emotionally dead as some people think, I've just gotten very good at hiding how I feel. Maybe a little too good? I'm such an idealist and a dreamer, when you really get to the heart of me... so it's odd that I'm so frequently compared to cynical characters like Daria. Maybe it's because of what people do to dreamers and idealists. So I think all this has played a contributing factor to the duality of my personality, and it just so happens that the cautious one usually wins out. Unless, of course, that adventurous/fearless side of me is armed with Vodka and cranberry juice.

So I had written this poem a while back, and just been afraid to send it... but last night (yay vodka), I finally did... and you know what? The sky didn't fall, and the little punk rock girl inside me (the one who wants to go wreck diving and surf Mavericks) proudly doc-stomped her way to another mini-victory. And I walked around grinning like the biggest damn goober ever.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 5:08 PM   0 comments

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