So the last week has been pretty hard for me, but I finally feel like I'm narrowing in on my center, on the part thats really me. Listening to Tori Amos songs and flipping through faerie books by Brian Froud, and thinking about the story I've been working on in bits and pieces for my sister has helped. And right now it's pouring down rain, with lightning and thunder, and I'm listening to Sister Janet, which will forever be my favorite Tori song, and I'm remember the potential that I've always really aspired to, and the personal life aesthetic that has been my beacon so many times in the past. I've been taking myself too seriously this week, way too seriously, and I've been taking everything to heart, though it wasn't on purpose. And I've been forgetting to separate my needs from my wants and my wishes, and I've been forgetting that life is lived one day at a time. I've been forgetting that any day could be my last, and if I'd died this week, my one regret would have been spending too much time worrying and fretting and not enough time mending my spirit.

And right now I feel really good about myself because I remember now that all it takes to remind me how special life is are beautiful things like music, and art, and smiles and hugs, and sunsets and flowers, and breathing.

And I even remember the most important thing of all. The best part of having friends and family and lovers and penpals and soul-sisters is not what they give you, but the feeling of caring for them and being invested in their happiness.

don't worry, I probably wont be this schmucky forever ;)