I really don't understand today at all. In some ways, today has seen me be very opaque in a lot of ways. Like my mind is not in my body, and I'm not really sure where it is or when it will be back, or why it's gone all of a sudden. But at the same time, I also feel like I've lost any and all imperviousness I once posessed, so every wayword thing has pierced me right through. Things that are largely insignificant have really cut deep today, and I don't know why. Today has been both my most oblivious day and my most vulnerable day in as long as I can remember. And I feel like I haven't slept in ages, even though I've really had no problems sleeping... and I'm experiencing an incredibly illogical desire to be curled up on my couch at home. Maybe it's just that I haven't actually relaxed at all since Christmas break. And I kind of feel like everyone hates me right now, and maybe they do, cause I really seem to be signing up for everyones shitlist lately, even the people who won't admit it to me directly. Tonight I was over at a friends room, listening to her friend have the worlds most insincere phone conversation ever with some guy she'd met on aol, and it just seems so surreal and rigoddamneddiculous. Life just seems like a joke sometimes, when you get right down to it. And right now I think I'm the punchline.