stacy was here (and probably spinning....)

 

 

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Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

And now, for another wild mood swing...

So for the moment it looks like my Writing Fellows assignment for the semester is going to be a class on Arthurian Legends. WoooHoooo! This is terminally cool, also because the prof in that class is my french prof, whom I get along with really well. Him and I were discussing the possibility of my assignment, and we started talking about different texts and stuff, so I let him borrow my copy of The Crystal Cave by Mary Stewart (Best. Book. Ever.) It sounds like it's going to be a really great class to be involved in. Not that I'd be going there every day or anything, mostly just helping out with papers and such, but I could be more involved in a class where I had this sort of interest.

I got my schedule change forms turned in so I'm officially Painting and Ballet free. I think I would have gotten fusterated in Painting anyway, as I'm not an art major and not particularly interested in color theory, which is what the first third of the semester seems to be dedicated to. I can feel a project of some sort brewing in my head, and I have some pieces of cardboard that I just may employ to that purpose. Also I'm hoping to make a collage out of some of the paper crap that I accumulated in the UK, so who knows what'll happen. I think that, having taken the art course I took last semester, I'm equipped to do stuff on my own for a while. Maybe next year I'll take another art course.

So M.E. has been having similar slumps as me. I think we both need to just get the hell out of Dodge. All in all Pittsburgh isn't really a bad city. They've got lot's of cultural stuff to do, lots of cool places to see spectacular views and everything, but it's definitely not the place for me. I almost have a sort of claustrophobia here. Sitting on the beach for me is like sitting at the edge of the known universe and looking into the face of infinite possibilities. It is space, promise, and vast expanses of both life and solitude. I'm sure all this seems really assinine to most, if not all of the people reading this.

I got to talk to my sister yesterday, which was nice except for the knot in my throat when she told me how much she misses me. I feel like I'm missing so much of the important things in her life, and it's tearing me up inside. I missed her tenth birthday, for fuck sake. There are so many milestones at her age, and here I am, three timezones away, and I'm missing all of them. And there's no way I'll be able to get that time back, either... it just keeps on slipping away from me, irretrievably. And what really sucks is that I know that my mom isn't the same with her as she was with me. They're together all the time between dance and everything, and my mom, having no real time to herself, is now easily frustrated and sometimes prone to taking it out on my sister. And my sister is sensitive and sometimes needy, which just makes things more difficult. I just wish my mom could enjoy her more without all the stress, because I can tell the effect it has on them both. It's like we're all stuck in this hellish trapped state, unable to effect change at the moment. At least if I'm in the state of California there's a possibility for us all to escape once in a while.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 2:42 PM   0 comments

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