I think I have officially gone insane. Here are the classes that I am currently, officially enrolled in, each with the anticipated amount of time required outside of class per week:

Intro to French 2: 2 hours
Harlem Renaissance: 2-3 hours
Intro to Info Systems: 5 hours
Pre-Calculus: 3-4 hours
WebPage Development: 1 hour
Writing Fellows: 5 hours

And now, get this, I'm taking Italian. Not for credit, even, just because I'm a masochist that way. So that's another 2-3 hours per week. Of course, since I'm not getting credits for it, the grade won't count to anyone but me, so if I have to I can drop it, but still. And god help me, but *deep breath* pre-calc is not that bad so far. It's actually turning into a series of small victories as I tackle each assignment and *so far* end up understanding everything. I haven't taken math for 5 years, so it's still new and novel to me. I can see myself getting frusterated with it eventually, but I'll need it to graduate Humboldt anyway, so hells bells, might as well get it over with now.

At the moment I'm doing ok, dealing with things, but I know I need to work on keeping a handle on things. That will probably involve a trip to the dr in the near future, which is possibly the most unpleasant possibility I have ever faced. I hate doctors, and my general plan of action is to avoid them at all costs, but it seems like that may be impossible this time around. I just hope it's not as serious as I'm panicking that it will be. If it is, well, I'll deal with that when the time comes. Until then, I'm going to opperate under the assumption that everything will be ok. I can't do it any other way.

I can feel myself slipping slowly back into apathy about this place. I can't get out of here any sooner than May, really. I know that. And I also know that being miserable isn't necessary, and that being numb is a whole lot easier to handle. I wonder sometimes why I can't seem to feel like I actually belong anywhere. The closest I've ever felt to actual belonging was when I was in Dublin, and that was only for two days, so how can I be sure? Oh, I definitely intend to go back and really explore the city, maybe the rest of Ireland, too, but who knows what will happen. I don't belong in L.A., it's just too crowded and full of everything, and I feel like I'm in constant sensory overload. Whittier is a little better, except that everything around it irritates me, and I hate running into people that I went to school with. I hate the look of recognition without actual understanding. Northern CA is better for me, which is why I'm going to Humboldt. Of course, Northern CA is about as far from the real world as someone can get in CA, which is probably why I like it. And with my career goal of being an English Lit professor, well, it's possible I could avoid mainstream society for a good majority of the time. It's not that I hate people or busy cities, I just don't like living in them... driving distance is close enough.

My sister is supposed to be visiting me here in April, so I'm really hoping that works out ok. She'll be flying by herself, though, so that kind of makes me nervous. I tried to get a few of my friends to fly out here so she wouldn't have to go it alone, but all of them are otherwise engaged, or broke. I desperately want to see her, though, and she's been saving up and looking forward to it so much. Heh, and all my friends are dying to meet her, because I talk about her so much.

Well, I can only procrastinate doing my homework for so long, and I think I just hit the limit...