stacy was here (and probably spinning....)















Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Monday, October 13, 2003

right now the idea of wandering into the forest and falling asleep under a tree is really appealing. I don't think anyone would notice me being gone, though, which is probably for the best. I am filled with despair as I haven't been since high school, and we all know what happened then.

I feel completely rejected and alone, like all my classes are hopeless and redundant and I just can't be arsed to give a shit about them. I feel like I'm never going to get out of here, that time is playing with my mind and the next year will last at least 10, really. I feel like no one actually sees me here and the only time certain people seek me out is when they want a ride somewhere. There's really only 2 or 3 people here who seem to notice I'm alive anymore. I live with one but I don't want to bother her with requiring company. It's not her fault if I've suddenly become unwelcome in our mutual social circles, especially when I don't even understand why.

I miss home so much I can't even think about it without my eyes watering. Tonight I was tempted to not even go back to my dorm and just continue driving south until I got home and then promptly forget HSU and everything in it. Unfortunately I care too much about a stupid and virtually meaningless piece of paper, a quantitative measure of my intellectual abilities, and I can't bring myself to upset my mother who said that that was the only thing I could do to disappoint her.

I just want someone to listen and give a shit without telling me what I'm doing wrong and without trying to offer advice. I would also like it if someone would take my side and not find ways in which I am wrong about everyone else. But I can't find that where I wanted to.

After this stupid midterm and shakespeare paper are due I'm just going to sleep until the next damned assignment. It's ok if you don't call, I can berate myself and find mistakes in myself well enough on my own.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 1:47 AM   0 comments


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