So at the moment I don't know anything. At all. Everything seems so up in the air right now, and I don't even know why. I mean, the plans are all set, right? I go back, I do the whole college thing at Chatham for one more semester, hopefully to find a letter from Humboldt announcing my acceptance... so why is it that I feel like I don't have control over anything right this second? This trip has been both incredible and horrible, in so many different ways. London is both just another hell and everything I love, all at the same time. Today I sat in front of Waterhouse's The Lady of Shalott at the Tate Gallery. *artgasm* But at the same time, it's like any other big city... tons of people, lots of traffic, and all that stuff. And then there's the ever-present conflict between the people surrounding me... I'm not really irritated with anyone, I just wish they could learn to get along with each other, at least until we go back to our own seperate circles of friends. And at the same time, a few things are making this trip the best I've ever been on. EVER. And I wish there were someone here that I could really talk to about these things, without the rolling of eyes or disdain, however gently applied. I need to pour my heart out to someone, and there's no such someone here.

And at the end of this week, I'm going to Dublin, Ireland for 2 days. I have always wanted to go there, like ever since I was a little kid. And the thing is, I'm nervous. I'm nervous that I won't have a good time, or that I'll have too good of a time and not want to leave. To be honest, the chances of the first are minute.

I guess, more than anything else, I don't want to go back to real life. It's been ok for the past few years, because it's been even (if not wonderful.) And now the boats been rocked. Really rocked. And I can't just go back and sink into the same old routine, the same old apathy. I can't even stand the thought of it. I haven't felt so alive in such a long time.