Ok, so it's been one week now, and what have I learned from this trial separation? 1: not blogging doesn't cause me to explore other outlets, it merely causes me to internalize everything and that = bad. 2: I don't care if creepy people still read my blog, or if they employ internet searches to find all of my friends sites to check up on me that way. I will not be weirded out of using my own damn weblog, thank you very much. And now that my head is full of mental garbage, it's time to take out the trash. Oh yeah, I'm back.

I hate the creepy feeling of knowing that the past still looms over me and affects the way I handle things now. It kind of reminds me of that kid in junior high gym class, and I know most of you will know what kid I'm talking about even if you went to a different school, because every school had one. I'm talking about that kid who'd try and play basketball, and get all psyched up about it... then the minute they got the ball they'd curl up in the fetal position and refuse to let go of it. That's kind of how I feel at the moment... like someone finally passed me the ball and I'm caught up in my own defenses. And I know everyone has issues, but I can't help but feeling like I should be past this, that it shouldn't have the impact on me that it does, but I just can't seem to shrug it off. And I'm starting to feel like this fear that impares me is unjustified now, and I really hope thats true because I think I can get past this in the right circumstances. I'm certainly trying.

So I'd like to go on record right now to say that my Harlem Ren class teacher is psyco. She just *reduced* our workload this weekend to a 5 page paper and reading a 150 page book. Did I mention there *was* more to this? And her attitude is that she just doesn't care that we have work from other classes. Peachy. So is she gonna give me 15 credits for passing her class when I fail the rest of them trying to keep up with her reading schedule? ugh.

Still working on the Dr. situation. Looks like I will qualify for the community aid thing, which would solve the financial problem, I just need to get the tax forms from my mother... who, of course, has not filed out taxes yet. Hear that? That's me hitting myself on the forehead. Looks like by the time I can go to the dr it will be summer and I'll have to start all this bullshit all over again with a different dr. The symptoms returned after 7 days, but now their very mild and come and go, so aren't as frequent as before. Still taking my vitamins like a good girl.

On the upside, I've been offered a job in the Web Development department at my school as a direct result of my final project in my web dev class, which is taught by the head of the IT department. I should be working two days a week until the end of the school year. Granted I won't be doing a lot of glamourous site building, more along the lines of tech support and creating forms in PDF and stuff, but it will still be good experience, and maybe help me get a similar job when I get to Humboldt. I'm thinking of double majoring in English and something computer related, or maybe picking up a computer-related minor. Not sure what I'd go with, gotta see what Humboldt offers, but I think it would give me more marketable skills which will help when it comes time for me to get a real job. *shiver*

So things are actually going ok. OTB and the incredible Amiekins come out in a couple weeks, which I am INSANELY excited about. I know I will feel tons better once I get one of my sisters world famous hugs again :) Coolest. Sister. Ever. Also, it looks like WotWot and her SBP will be coming out to CA this summer, so I get to play tour guide for them. Woo! That is going to be great fun.

More later, probably.