stacy was here (and probably spinning....)















Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Saturday, July 13, 2002

I can't wait for school to start.

Yes, I know a few months ago I couldn't wait for school to end. But that was before I remembered that my grandmother is hella creepy. Her new thing is watching me through the windows of the room, thinking I don't know she's there. *shiver* And it was before I started working, which isn't really that bad, I'm just remembering why I went back to school: so I wouldn't have to work a shitty retail job forever. 90% of the management there is wonderful, but there are these two managers that I have come to loathe. One of them actually said to a big group of us "just remember that I have the authority to release all of you." Mmmm hmmmm. I'd like to see him with that authority explaining to the store manager why there are 12 less people to cover the necessary shifts. That, and it just seems so pointless to work there. I'm not learning anything, I'm not going to stay there, I'm not having a good time, and I'm not really making much money. I'll probably quit pretty soon, I need to go through my stuff and figure out a few more things about school. I'm really hoping to get an apartment when I go up to Humboldt. If I can find one available for the right price, it might actually be cheaper than living on campus, and it would be nice to have privacy. Being away from a strictly female environment is like coming out of exile in a lot of ways. I'm finding possibilities, and it would be nice to have the privacy to explore those possibilities. That, and my experiences with room mates so far has been that I'd rather not have one.

Mostly I'd just like a sense of peace ane evenness to my life. This house is constant drama, and it really gets to me sometimes. I never quite feel like I can relax here, and after time it just seems to build up and build up. And the more I think of it, the more I think that having my own place is the best solution. I'm thinking either a studio by myself, or, if WotWot really does move out to CA, maybe a two bedroom if we can afford it. It would be really nice to relax in my own livingroom with no one nagging at me, or being able to go food shopping and not bring home a bunch of unhealthy crap that doesn't get eaten half the time anyway, or just living in a place that isn't filled with clutter and stuff that never gets gotten rid of. My family never throws anything away, so it just keeps building up. We have five storage units filled with stuff that we don't need... halloween costumes from before I was born, furniture that probably isn't worth saving anyway, old things that no one uses. It's all so unnecessary... I'm all for saving sentimental things, like old awards and photographs and such, but it's just gone beyond ridiculous. It's really analogous to everything about my family. None of the collected family drama has ever been gotten out and gotten over, it just sits there buried and looming. And I know that that will never change and part of it will always follow me around, but at least if I could get out of here and have my own space, it would be easier to deal with.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 4:56 PM   0 comments


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