ugh, I feel so drained right now. I'm in one of my famous stages where I don't feel like seeing anyone or going out or doing anything. I feel like there's nothing new for me here, just the same crap that drove me away in the first place. it's stifling. but will it even get better when I'm up at school? I mean, I can't wait to go up there, if only to get away from everything here, but will it really be better or will I just have more to distract me? I hate the fact that I never really feel like I belong anywhere. what if that feeling never goes away? I can't just move to a new city every few years. and what the hell is it all for? what's the point? I thought I knew at one point, a long time ago, but now I'm just sick of being an idealist. it hasn't served me well.