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Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Sunday, October 13, 2002

I think the new theme of my existence, at least until further notice, is one day at a time. And yes, I know this conjurs up images of cheesy old tv shows and all, but at the suggestion of my mother, I've been trying to break down this semester into bite-sized digestible portions. So far, so good, actually.

So 1TW is achieving the goal I hoped it would, which is to prompt me to do more creative writing on a regular basis. I've picked up a story I started a few years ago for my sister. It's some strange cross between a childs story and something else... not exactly "adult" per se, but the language, I suspect, would go over most kids heads. Of course, I'm writing it for my sister, who is (by my biased opinion) much smarted than most kids her age.) Hopefully by the time I finish it she'll have no problems getting through it. Of course, by the time I finish it, she could be the same age that I am now, but the point is that I'm at least working on it again, which is a big step. Normally I defeat myself by putting too many expectations on my writing. With writing this for my sister, I can focus on her as my audience and quit thinking of it as a project that could make or break my writing career. I've also transported it into a spiral bound notebook from the computer. I think I write better away from the keyboard because there are less distractions, and because part of me really likes the feeling of dragging a pen over paper, and that's the part I need to bring back into the light.

So right now my roommate is in the kitchen baking a cake with her mom. I am so envious! It's been such a long time since I've really gotten the chance to cook or bake, and I miss that. It's also making me miss my mom, like by a lot. I know it's childish and silly to expect everyone I love to flock to my side here, but I can't help it. My mom said that she wouldn't mind moving up here one day... I knew by the sound of her voice that she meant after my grandmother dies, when they can sell the house. It's wierd, you know, my whole family and the way the dynamics work. In a sense it's like we're all waiting for her to pass, because in a sense it's like she really died a few years ago, or maybe even longer. It's like she's hanging on, for reasons none of us fully understand. In a way so much is waiting to be over with her. Like even though the experiences and drama that she contains will still be in our memories, her influence over us, and her being a constant reminder of old memories, well, it can be finished. Maybe thats an awful way to feel, but there's not much to be done for it, really. None of us can have closure for it, because we know that there's a lot she won't tell, that we'll never know, and while she's alive there will always be that anticipation. When she passes it will be the end to a story that was never really finished, and should never have been in the first place. And now that I've written that I have no idea where it came from, or why. There is so much in my life left unresolved.

At any rate, Wendy has finally decided to apply at Humboldt, which makes me very very happy. One way or another, she's coming out here, I'm resolved. Also, may be seeing her in as little as 42 days, but we shall see how that pans out. Basically it all comes down to whether or not I'm going to LA over Thanksgiving break. And right now I'm aching for some Amie hugs and Del Taco, so right now I'm pulling for home. We'll see if I become gainfully employed within the next week or not. I'll know soon enough.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 4:37 PM   0 comments

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