So yeah... today... another day....

sometimes I think you write in your blog to throw people off, divert them into some other part of your life... make them think they know you...

I went to that "Stress Less" group therapy/relaxation thing.... It was all fine and good until I slipped halfway into meditation state and he started saying "your body is warm and heavy... focus on the feeling of your body being warm and heavy"... only problem is, my body wasn't warm and heavy, because I couldn't feel my body... and I was too conscious not to care and not conscious enough to realize that it wasn't really disolving... so I had to keep concentrating on my body being sentient again, which was very stressful again. And now I think I have a migraine from it, thanks... I might go one more time just to give it a second chance... or maybe I'll just start meditating like a normal pagan.

I can't even function right biologically...

Had a rather gruesome dream last night regarding the news I recieved on the phone yesterday. It was disturbing, to the enth degree. How is it that we always move in parallel lines and circles, you and I? Similar concerns. I know my plight is not exactly the same as yours, but still I feel the grief you feel, just in a more abstract way, tied up in "could have beens" and "if only's"...

if I could you know I'd be there in a heartbeat...

so the wind outside is blowing like it wants to level the world... it's howling like someone raided it's nest... and I kind of feel like that, somewhere, I think... I've been in mourning since I got here, like I still have no foundation and no real means of surviving this place. I just want to be near the people I care for, is that such a huge request? Oh yeah, and one of these days, if it's possible, could you make me stop running from everyone? Thanks.