stacy was here (and probably spinning....)















Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

sometimes, when I'm lonely, I read through my mini letter collection, the few letters I've brought with me... there's something really special about paper letters, you know? something about holding a piece of paper that someone wrote on, that they poured their thoughts onto, it's a bit intoxicating. because you can say anything in a paper letter, and it sticks, you know? it doesn't just get deleted when ones mailbox starts to nudge toward maximum file capacity... it's a way of holding onto a moment, saving old letters... like maybe 10 or 15 years from now I'll read them from what will hopefully be a place of stability and fulfillment, and remember the things I battled on the way there... or maybe in 10 or 15 years, one of these letters will prompt me to contact an old friend I'd since lost contact with. as much as I like the internet, I doubt very sincerely that it will ever thrill me as much as paper letters do.

so apparently, something in my astrological chart says that my biggest weakness, in some respects, is my restlessness, and I think that's true. I always feel like I should be somewhere else, you know? that's why I moved to Pittsburgh before, and it's why I moved here, because I felt like I needed that burst of forward motion or a change. but every time I make leaps like that, it makes me feel empty, and lonely, and tired. I just want to hurry up and get to that point in my life where I curl up in the same bed every night for more than a year or two, where I can give people my permanent address without an ironic smile... I wanna have a flower garden, maybe a fireplace to curl up in front of, but mainly I just want a place that actually feels like home. even when I'm home in Whittier, I somehow feel like it's not the place for me... I feel tense when I'm in the same house as my family, like in some ways it's a prison to me, to be there, or at the very least unhealthy. and when I'm there for mroe than a few weeks my feet start to itch again, and I feel like I have to get away. but Arcata isn't the place for me either... there's not enough around here. I'm not really a city girl, but sometimes it's nice to know that ones around, and it would be nice to live somewhere that has Target or Walmart in it. it was really nice at first, you know, to be far from a city, in a place so full of trees and so near the ocean, where everyone is laid back and all that. but after a while it's started to feel like I'm in exile, kept far removed from everyone I really care about.

looking at the courses I need to complete and all that, it looks like I may well be able to graduate within 3 semesters, as in on time. There are 45 credits left between me and completing all of my GE and Major requirements, if I can get them to accept all the classes I took at Chatham, which is 15 units per semester, which in my experience is entirely doable. I may have to bust my ass to do it, but since when has that stopped me? at the worst, if they don't accept both of the classes I fear they won't, I may have to either do summer school or take 19 credits for two semesters, which will be hard and I dare say it might make my grades a little less than stellar, but at this point, it gives me hope just to know that it's even possible. I'll hopefully be seeing my academic advisor soon to figure all this out... keep your fingers crossed for me...

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 1:09 AM   0 comments


Post a Comment

<< Home