At the request (read: demand) of sky wanderer, I'm posting another blog entry. But be warned, this will likely be long, introspective, and not all that interesting to anyone but me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, partly because I make it a habit to do so, and partly because, in giving advice, I am prompted to look at myself and see how I am doing in terms of my relationship with myselfl. I've been talking to sky wanderer a lot about relationships, love, and intimacy lately, and so I've been thinking about these particular areas of my own existence. Basically, I've grown into a person who recognizes the difference between love intimacy, and chemistry intimacy, and I don't really think that either of them is a bad thing. I've also come to see both as valuable in some ways. I think that people have elevated sex to some sort of archetypal entity, almost deific in a sense. As someone who is waiting to take the big plunge, I have some mixed views on this subject. I'm not for a rehashing of Victorian era morality, but I'm not necessarily all for free love either. I wish people would stop viewing sexual persuits as a taboo. I guess my point is that people have far too many hang ups when it comes to relationship, and depending on how you go about things, I don't think there's anything wrong with going for what feels right. People need to live, and not worry about what's acceptable so much. That said, I think people view marriage all the wrong way. Marriage used to be an institution to make life easier, to make it easier to get through things. Now that people are more self-sufficient than ever, maybe it's time to take an overhaul of what Marriage should be. Myself, I think that the point of marriage is to be in a loving relationship with someone who is your best friend and confidante. A pair of equals who don't necessarily share all hobbies and such, but who are perfectly capable of existing on their own, and choose to share their lives, knowledge, experiences, passions, and thoughts with. As my mother once told me, sometimes mutual respect and communication are more important to the success of a relationship than "true love." This got me thinking about what I want out of life, what I would want out of this sort of relationship. I demand independence, I always have, so naturally this is a big part of it. I also place a big value on little comforts that make life pleasurable, i.e. lazy sunday mornings curled up with a book, walks in the woods, candles around my bath tub, etc. In living on a sleepy campus, I've learned that it is possible for me to lead a relatively slow-paced life. And now I am rambling because writing this has been a process interrupted by conversations with sky wanderer and the crown. I suppose my expectations are no more grounded in reality than someone wanting to be whisked off their feet into blissful eternity, but I'm too young to settle, and I've got to have something to aim for, right? I want a rich life (and no, not necessarily monetary), and I want someone to appreciate it with. Most of all, I want to cram my time on earth full of neat experiences and continually check things off of my lifes to-do list. Maybe I should make my lifes to-do list first.

I also have a dedication for sky wanderer. yes it's a cheesy song, sky, but it's got some good insight, it's "Dance" by Leanne Womack (or however the hell you spell it.) "I hope if loving's a mistake it's one worth making." Put away the books dammit, and let someone else observe for a while. Live, damn you, live! (insert diabolical laughter a la Young Frankenstein.) You're too young to be jaded already.

And to the Jester, who will never know who he is because I'll never tell, grow up already. Playing grown up isn't the same as being grown up. Digest some responsibility, work toward your goals, and do something with your life. Hopefully it isn't too late.