stacy was here (and probably spinning....)















Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Friday, March 07, 2003

so today has turned out to have unparalleled goodness in the arena of my past, present, and future. sounds weighty, right? well, it is, but at the same time it was so simple, really, just a series of simple denouments that really resolved a lot of stuff in my heart and in my mind.

I talked to my mom this morning, when she was at work, and updated her on things, regarding my possible double major, and a lot of things that have been on my mind. she had to get back to work so we couldn't talk about a whole lot more than that.

read for a while, talked to Wendy a bit, took a nap, hung out with my roommates, and talked to the boyfriend. that conversation yielded a lot to my peace of mind, in exactly the way that I needed it to. it's really complicated, you know? trying to coordinate a dual existence that will be acceptable and hopefully good for both people involved, and the negotiation process is arduous and stressful, and sometimes it seems like we're speaking different languages... but we're both fiercely stubborn, especially about one another, and somehow things resolve themselves a little at a time, and I think this bodes well for us. sometimes I feel like I'm turning too demanding, or becoming a harpie about all this... I try not to be, but I just really think if we work at it now, it'll be better in the long run.

then I called my mom again, and reupdated her, because that's what I do with the important stuff. I have two best friends, a boyfriend best friend, and then the mamma best friend, and between the 4 of them they work wonders in the maintenance of my sanity. so I talked to my mom, and she seems very excited that I'm looking into Marine Bio again, seeing as how it was such a precious goal of mine for so many years. we talked about a lot of things, and she told me that she's really proud of how I've grown over the past few years, how I take the time to analyze things more, try to get a comprehensive idea of what things involve before I really jump into them. I used to be a lot more impulsive about my life, whereas now, she says, I weigh things a bit more carefully, get more opinions from where they really count, and try to think of things in terms of the big picture. and she said she's proud that I'm not centering my life on just one thing, and keeping my options open. she also revealed that it was one of her hopes that I wouldn't get married until I was at least 25, and I told her that, being 23 now, I'm fairly certain making it to that milestone won't be any great feat, lol. you know, I've spent the last 3 years growing as a student and as a person, and I've acrued honors at school and gotten compliments from professors, made deans lists at Chatham and become a Presidential Scholar here at Humboldt, and I've lived in another state, and travelled to other countries... but all of this really pales to me, seems incredibly unimportant, just to hear my mom tell me that she's proud of the person I'm becoming, proud of my choices and the way I'm leading my life. I think if I work my entire life, that will still be the most important thing I have ever achieved. my sincerest wish is that she knows that all of my achievements can be traced back to her hard work and influence.

oh, so funny story, I told her that I'm actually thinking of having kids one day... I was ready for a barage of "I told you so's", but she didn't say it even once, only said that she's not surprised. we talked about it a bit, about why I'd been so aversed to it before and what the big change was, and I really can't pin it down to just one thing, but I'm pretty sure I know a big part of the reason. that, however, is between me and my mom.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 9:25 PM   0 comments


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