today has been.... interesting.

last night I emailed a bunch of schools about their bio programs, and got 4 responses back so far, some more attentive and insightful than others, but all of them valuable in some way. not sure how relevent they are anymore, in light of how my goal has been tweaked a little bit, but we'll see, right?

so remember that gender bender experiment I did? and how there was that one guy who all of a sudden sat next to me and talked to me all through class? well, we were chatting today, between classes since he's in my bio lab as well, and bitching about my womens studies professor and how she seems to reinforce gendered behavior as much as break it down, and I mentioned how she reacted to how I was dressed that day, and he said "oh yeah, I remember that." but he didn't know about the experiment. and he wasn't there when she complimented me on looking "pretty." so I'm forced to conclude that what he remembered was how I was dressed, and that seems a little wierd to me. like did it make that big of an impact that he remembers it more than a month later? odd.

so it's wierd how things go full circle... I remember when I was like 8, my cousin had a friend die of a brain tumor, and someone explained it to me as a wierd growth or structure in the brain. we were at a church a few days later with this wierd, ornate roof, and it kind of creeped me out and for some reason I carried the image of that cieling around in my head as what brain tumors look like. flash forward to today, and I'm talking to a girl in class about migraines, and she mentions that her doctors thought she had a brain tumor but it doesnt' seem like it anymore. and then tonight, I was talking to my mom on the phone about my grandmother, who's in the hospital. I asked her what they thought was wrong and she didn't want to answer in front of Amie, so I guessed a brain tumor, and yeah, it turns out they think my grandmother has a brain tumor. they don't think it's malignant, but they say they'll still have to operate. I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. She's over 80 years old, and operations on the brain are tricky and risky... with the few years she has left, which would be worse? fainting spells? or possibly being a vegetable? but then, nothing is certain yet, so hopefully this worry in my head is moot and it'll be something simpler.

at any rate, I can't think anymore tonight, about anything.