it's 6:33 am, and I may well be delerious. I got my new Humboldt email set up, but I can't remember the numbers that come after my initials, so no ones getting it just yet. I haven't gone to bed, and my body is starting to rebel in the worst way, so I figured I'd sit down for a blog break, but my eyes are blurry so if there are typos I cannot tell. I'm still packing. There's not going to be enough room in my car for everything unless magickal elves swoop down from the skies and temporarily shrink all my stuff. The big problem is clothes, and the fact that I have to many, which is why I'm leaving half of them here. I might break down and take my monitor and tv out of the boxes since they're just going to be in the backseat of my car anyway, and if I take the boxes I'm going to have to figure out where in the hell to store the styrfoam thingies that go in the boxes. I'm on load two of five loads of laundry. Amazingly enough, I only caved in enough to have one can of pepsi. I miss Wendy, who is somewhere in London right now with the man of her dreams. Wish the man of my dreams would get here ;) This has been an interesting summer. I've decided I want to avoid home as much as possible this year. I remembered why I had to leave in the first place. I can't wait to take archery classes so I can be like robin hood, but a girl. I love being a girl. Right now I hate being a girl. Maybe if I just sit for a little while longer my body will behave and I can cease the damn flashbacks already. I wish it was a week from now already. Or even tomorrow at this time when I will be four hours beyond LA, beyond this effing house, and that much closer to November. My mom bitched at me for procrastinating, but lets face facts now, thats what I do. Why does my car seem really big when I'm parallel parking, but incredibly small when I need to cram just one more duffel bag into it? I wish they really were duffel bags and not the stupid rolling bags that don't squish into corners. I wish I could trade off driving with someone instead of having to drive for 12 straight hours. At least Michelle will help keep me awake. I see red bull in my future. I'm nervous about starting school. What if Chatham really was a year round summer camp? Guess I'll find out soon enough. I can't believe everything thats happened this summer. I can't even believe everything that's happened in the past two weeks. Not that I'm experiencing disbelief, it's just that at the moment everything looks like a dream sequence to me. Did you know your own body can inflict pain on itself? It's funny how early this summer I travelled 2500 miles by car, and it felt like a long time but didn't. And now I'm going to travel 500 miles by car, and it seems like it's going to feel twice as far. My grandmother is creeping through the house already, her feet shuffeling eerily as they always do, and it make my flesh crawl as it always does. So today me and Michelle were driving and listening to the shitty 80's new wave music that I love so much, and dancing like big dorks. She's been teasing me because I smile so much now. Did you know I'm smiling because of you? We got home, and I talked to Wendy and (by proxy) Andy. They are such goobers, but it's so cute I can't even stand it. I wonder whose face he's wearing today. I'm thinking I should maybe eat something because I've been up for so long and it was nearly 12 hours ago that I last ate, but technically there's no meal between dinner and breakfast, and I'm not even sure if I'm hungry, or even what I'd eat if I was. You know whats irritating? That the washing machine takes like 20 minutes, but the dryer takes almost an hour. Bugger that. So I've been wondering how many more times in my life I'm going to uproot myself like this, or if I'll ever be in a place that really makes sense to me. I guess if I knew that, I'd be going there, wouldn't I? Sometimes it feels like I'm lost and waiting for something to make sense. Kind of like I'm just wandering aimlessly around trying to figure things out that someone else understood way before me. Did you know I was lost until you found me? I know I've been up too long because everything is blurry and I'm starting to think really ludicrous things... Like what if there's really a finite amount of possible songs that can be written, and one day they're all used up and no new music can ever be made. Like only a certain number of arrangements of notes. And no I haven't been drinking or doing any kind of drugs. Long live the sitchy bisterhood. You know that my aversion to everything this house stands for has stretched so far that I actually enjoy throwing things away now, even if they're not really trash? Like cleaning out my car and throwing things away just because I don't want them and will never use them, was really really satisfying somehow. Of course, the old bat places higher priority and meaning on material things than family, or she wouldn't have let him touch her child. I think I hate her because she's not sorry. I think I need to slieep for like an hour.