stacy was here (and probably spinning....): brain buzz















Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Thursday, March 26, 2009

brain buzz

* I hate laundry. Seriously hate it.

* It's weird how liberating everything has really been for me. You truck along so faithfully under the weight of a delusion, and you don't notice you're suffering because it creeps over you so slowly. Everything feels better now, my mind, my heart, my health. I think I was depressed for a long time, and I know I was terminally lonely for a long time. It's amazing how what you thought would be happily ever after can turn into an emotional prison. If I'm going to be lonely, though, I'd rather be lonely alone, if that makes any sense. If not, it's 3am, so shoot me.

* I think I have body image issues. I've lost 60 lbs in the last few years, but I still think of myself as being the same as I was before, and I'm clearly not. Someone at the knitting group, someone whom I've always put squarely in the "thinner than me" group, tried on my Liesl sweater tonight and it fit her roughly the same as it did me, and I had a total Holy. Crap. moment. It was a little surreal. I wonder if it will ever go away? When I get to my goal weight, will I still feel like that fat kid who got picked last for every team?

* I should probably not watch schmultzy romance movies late at night. We'll call that gremlin rule #1 for me.

* Also: Gerald Butler is hott. With two t's. Just saying.

* Also also: you know what I really really dig? When a guy has intensity in his eyes. I know it's a shit indicator of overall anything, but seriously, I want to be looked at that way. I'm doing a crap job of explaining it because it's 3am and I've been up for nearly 24 hours, but you know when you catch someones expression and they've got a slightly wild glint in their eyes, like they know something you don't know, or like their intentions are not entirely honorable? I think my life could use a slight bit of mischief right about now...

* Also^3: My shoulders and back have been hurting, and as such I am in dire need of a back massage. "Dire need" might be a slight exaggeration, but I'd really really like one.

* Also version 4.0: I got chatted up the other night when I went to a Druid equinox ritual. I'm doing better at realizing these things as they happen, but I think it was still about 8 minutes in when I realized "oh, hey, I'm being chatted up." At least I didn't have to have it pointed out to me after he fact like other times.

Ok, I'm running out of bad numerical configurations of the word "also", so I am going to bed now.

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posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 3:01 AM   0 comments


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