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Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

First a warning. To those of you who casually peruse my journal to get filled in on my latest, I urge you to remember that whatever you think of what I have to post here, this is my life that I'm writing about. I use this space to vent my feelings, to express myself, to occasionally be silly, and to keep people informed of my latest happenings. I understand that I run the risk of becoming online entertainment, and I think that sometimes thats an odd comfort to me even, but when you read this, you run the risk of being offended by the way I see something, or pissed at how I portray something. These posts are by no means objective. They've got my attitude and my point of view dripping from every word, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I can't just not write about something because it might piss someone off, whether that someone is one of my friends, or whether that someone is just another internet user who stumbled in here haplessly and happened to find me interesting for 5 fleeting moments. If you can't deal with that, then leave. Period.

Sometimes I just wonder what the hell it is that I'm really doing here. For the most part my school is the ideal environement for me and I get along with just about everyone. But every once in a while, maybe once a year something happens and someone really pisses me off and makes me wonder why in the hell I even bother with people. Sometimes I really feel like I'm dealing with people who haven't matured at all since junior high. "Hi, I'm Stacy, and I'm a 14th grader at Chatham Middle School." Some of my friends here are absolutely great, and I'm sure that I'll spend the next 40 years of my life trying desperately to stay in contact with those friends. And there are some people here that I can't wait to get away from. Right now one of those people is trying desperately to make my life hell, and as much as she is failing I'm wondering how exactly I came to be in this environment with people like her. See, before I left for school I was convinced that Whittier, CA was the last place I wanted to be, and that some of my friends were just two damn immature for me. But this girl makes them seem like brain surgeons by comparison. I'd rather chase a pissy OTB through Disneyland for 12 hours while listening to Sings with her Spirit blather on endlessly about a guy and have my ears bleed from Hector's religious banter all at the same time than deal with this girl for another second. Even at their very worst, none of my friends at home have EVER resorted to the same depths of pettiness. At the moment, despite all the wonderful friends I have here, I can't help but wish I was home with my friends there. This stupid bullshit is so fucking draining for me. Babysitting 3 children for 2 days was less stressful. I'm planing to do all I can to extricate myself from this entire situation even though I think it's incredibly unfair that I have to do so. I have enough shit to deal with without someone elses stupid bullshit. The funniest thing is that this person wants to be a supreme court judge. I'll go on record right now to say that if that EVER happens I will be promptly renouncing my US citizenship and moving to whatever country will have me.

And the thing that really pisses me off is that she's trying to pull all the rest of my friends into her moronic tyrade. The way I see it is this. My true friends will remain my true friends no matter what she says, even if she curses me til she's blue in the face. I don't need to defend myself to them because they know me, they know how I think, and they know whats true and whats bullshit when other people talk about me. I don't give a flying fuck if they continue to be friends with her or not. That is their decision, and no matter what they will remain my friends because she is totally insignificant to me. In the movie of my life, she is "college girl #4." She doesn't even have theme music. The "friends" of mine that would stop talking to me because of her, if there are any, can go fuck themselves too for all I care. Real friends don't buy in to other peoples bullshit. And real friends don't jump into the middle of things because its immature and unnecessary. Period.

And now I'm done venting. Life is too short for me to spend any more energy thinking about unimportant, vindictive people.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 8:52 PM   0 comments

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