* hit rock bottom, including thinking a lot about killing myself (abstractly, like it would be easier, blah blah blah... not shopping for a method, and don't worry, it's passed.)
* came up with the hair brained idea that getting a service dog would help me emotionally, went on ensuing emotional rollercoaster where Fuzzy said no, then realized what a basket case I was becoming, started to consider it, asked his boss, I fell in love with a pit named Tatum, Fuzzy's boss said no pit, spiraled into despondency, found border collie lab mix I love, boss said yes, adopted said border collie (Joey), found out Tatum got her forever home same day.
* was a big dumbass and forgot to refil paxil subscription. been off paxil 3 full days now, no panic attacks, attribute this to Joey since was doing bad on paxil before, and now I'm in withdrawl and no problems.
* been run ragged by Joey. am tired, but am sleeping much better, even without ambien. starting to feel like I might actually get through this.