stacy was here (and probably spinning....): 05/01/2002 - 06/01/2002
Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning
Friday, May 31, 2002
So today was doctors appointment day, and it actually went pretty well. Instead of throwing a list of tests I need out at me, this dr has taken action and gotten me started on some treatment already. Turns out that as it stands now, it's not a hugely dangerous thing. If it went untreated forever, it could lead to some pretty serious shit, but from what she said it's going to be okay now, and we'll be able to work through some interrelated health issues and hopefully have me more healthy in the long run than I have been in a long time. WoooHa for that. At the moment the most serious thing is the anemia which, as it happens, is worse than I thought. Healthy hemoglobin levels are around 12... 11 is where they start to consider the count low, and my count, currently, is 7.6. Aside from that, I could tell from their reactions to this count that this really isn't a good thing. What was my first clue, you ask? Well, first of all, the dr wants me to start taking twice the recommended dose of the iron pills I've been taking, as well as take vitamin C every day with it, which makes the body absorb more iron faster. And second, the woman who did the test said that it might be a good idea to not move around too quickly, or stand up too fast. Oh boy. So if I get a job this summer, it's probably gonna have to be something that has me sitting down a majority of the time. This severely limits my options. But at least I know what the hell is going on with my body, and at least we're working on fixing it. It's gonna be a long time, though, and some of the treatment may have to last for years, if not the rest of my life. Bah. I'm just glad it's not as bad as I was afraid it was going to be.
Tomorrow M.E. gets here, and I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED. So excited. We haven't rolled out the red carpet, precisely... but the pretty blue carpet has been laid, and the new futon arrives on Monday afternoon. Woo Ha indeed.
Could it be possible, just once, to go a whole day in this house without drama? I know my grandmother is old and feels useless, my uncle is incredibly busy, my sister is overly sensitive, and my mother has no time for herself, but does everything have to be riddled with yelling and irritation all the damn time? Tonight grammy-dearest ripped my sister a new one just for going in her room to find a battery for a flashlight so she could do her homework in the car. WTF?!? Then later in the car, my sister wanted to talk about it, and was obviously looking for validation from my mother, but she just cut her off cold and said it doesn't do any good to talk about it. See, I think my mom can't reconcile how my grandmother is now with the mother she adored when she was younger, and so she can't even sympathize with mine or my sisters anger toward her because it would mean admitting that she's not the same person she was. So now my sister feels even more like my mom never listens to her. At least I'm old enough to accept the mutual loathing shared between the old bag and myself.
Also, if you're going to have a car full of guys follow me and my friends while we're driving, ogling us at every stoplight, could they maybe be attractive next time, at least? Oh, and maybe they could yell things more elloquent than "hey baby" or "ayayayayay". Other than that my only complaint is that following us for 10 miles might be construed as overkill.
And why, oh why is it that one of my best friends is moving out of the country, yet the assholes from high school that I would rather forget are still in my hometown, reminding me why I hated high school? Isn't there some dank, third-world country they're longing to visit?
And finally, it is my sincerest wish above all else that Humboldt match me up with a laid back, normal room mate, since the odds of me rooming with M.E. are aparently miniscule. Please just don't let me be stuck with another psycho freak like in my first year, or with someone fond of leaving on every damned electrical appliance in the room when neither one of us are there to use them, like last semester. In fact, if at all possible, please let whoever I am paired with be suddenly inspired to take time off or transfer to another school and leave me alone in a double. That would be really excellent.
In return I will try to limit profanity and obscene hand gestures as much as possible, and hide in the new extra room to avoid confrontations with aforementioned evil grandmother whenever I can.
Well, life drudges slowly by. I was looking forward to getting home and doing nothing for a while, but it's rapidly lost it's appeal because I don't have the energy to do anything, so I'm not doing nothing by choice. (okay, that sounded really gramatically bad, but I think it's right... right?)
I got all my stuff sent off to Humboldt, including the financial aid info and housing stuff. Unfortunately it looks like M.E. and I won't be able to room together... but maybe it's a good thing. At least we'll be less likely to drive each other crazy, and still be able to enjoy hanging out outside of school and stuff. That being the case, I requested the over 21 housing, which I think would be cool if I can get in there. The floors and areas where it's located all have fairly large doubles, so hopefully I'll get a decent sized room. I also requested to be put on their singles waiting list, so who knows.
I'm really excited about starting there. I want to take photography to start of my art minor (double major?), and the school offers a bunch of leisure classes that don't affect your grades or gpa, so it might be nice to branch out a little bit.
My uncle is working on the spare room, and I think it's going to be really nice when it's finally finished. It will be nice to not have to listen to my grandmother sit and shuffle cards at 7am, or just loom around me breathing loudly. The woman is driving me nuts, just like she always does. She never gets rid of anything, so the house is full of crap that we never use and will never need. There's a bottle of Amway shampoo in the shower. My mom sold Amway for about a week over ten years ago. Why the hell do we still need it in the shower? No one's using it, it's just taking up space? If I try to throw anything away, she digs it out of the trash and puts it right back where it was before. I used to be a bad packrat too, and I still have more stuff than I need, but being away for two years I've gotten a hell of a lot better about getting rid of things, so being back here in a house overrun with clutter is driving me nucking futs. Urgh. Now that I'm back at home I can't wait to start school again.
Okay, so after a one week separation from the internet I was starting to go through withdrawls... Nothing much really happening, but here are some updates into my boring, dull existence.
1.) I got in to Humboldt. WooofrigginHooooooo! Got the letter the other night.... Yay me!
2.) Saw Spiderman today... would y'all think less of me if I admitted I want to do naughty things to Tobey Maguire? heehee...
3.) I have a dr's appointment on Friday, so I can hopefully find out what the hell is wrong with me. You know, it's kind of funny... I've always hated my rosey cheeks and wished I had perfect pale, porcelain skin... and now my skin is twice as pale as it's ever been... but as it's due to the anemia I also look pretty sickly as well. I'm on iron pills now, though, so it should go away... in a few months. Also getting tired really easily... I'm really nervous about all this. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it if something is really wrong with me.
4.) M.E. gets out here in about 5 days. Am very excited about this. Must take her everywhere, perhaps starting with beach as I've not yet been there.
5.) Missing all my Chatham friends terribly. Hope they don't forget about me.
well, I'm getting really wiped out... will try and write more later.
Wow, so where to start with all this stuff buzzing around in my head... not real sure, so here's just some quick facts.
States I could never live in: Nevada (too hot), Arizona (too hot), Utah (too hot and too many mormons)
States I could live in if I weren't afraid of being lynched by the locals for not accepting Jesus Christ as my lord and savior: Kansas, Missouri, Kentucky... well, most of the ones we passed through, truth be told.
Things that suck about cross country road trips: No matter how many tapes you bring, you WILL get sick of all of them. Sleeping in a car/van isn't comfortable, and gets less and less comfortable as the days wear on. Through the middle half of the country, two thirds of all radio stations are christian stations. Unless you fork out the benjamins', it's highly unlikely you'll be bathing for a few days. Once you get to the desert, it gets hot and boring. Few things are as hot or boring as the desert. After a while, all fast food tastes the same.
Things that are cool about cross country road trips: For all the horror stories I was told about people in other states hating Californians, we weren't scowled at once, or given one damn ticket. This country is really freaking beautiful. I doubt there is one type of landscape we didn't pass through on the way home. Some parts of the desert are really beautiful to look at, and at the very least awe inspiring. Yes, I was as surprised as y'all are, but there actually are people living in the states between the coastlines.
Where to get a McDonalds Sausage Biscuit with Gravy (yes, gravy): Missouri.
Where to find trees: Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Ohio, Kentucky, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Missouri, and some of Colorado. Also, California.
Where to find dirt, and lots of it: Utah, Arizona, and Nevada. Of these, Utah and Arizona had the prettiest, most colorful, and coolest shaped dirt.
Most mullets spotted in: Utah.
First Del Taco sighted in: Barstow, CA, which is apparently the home of Del Taco... yay for the best imitation mexican food straight from the source.
I don't think I have ever been as mentally, physically, and emotionally drained as I am in this very second.
I finished all of my finals. The brain-eating Java and Pre-Calc finals I was perparing for and expecting had far worse bark than bite, so I think I might have actually done okay. Either way I am simply too worn out to worry about it at the moment. As soon as I finished the last thing and threw away the 3ft pile of Java stuff I'd printed out over the course of the semester, the tension that seemed permanently embedded in my shoulder blades just gave out, and now my whole body feels like Jell-o. I literately had to prop myself up for a few seconds to get my legs back under me.
All my stuff is loaded into the van. I just need to shower, sleep, drop off a few things in the morning, and get the hell out of dodge.
I still have mixed feelings about leaving, but I'm leaning towards the glad side, with a heavy heart for the friends I'm leaving behind.
Anyway, I won't be posting for at least 4 days. I might make it hope in as few as two, but I'll probably sleep for 48 hours, curled up on my couch in the fetal position, once I get home.
My uncle rocks, and when I get home and have five seconds, I'll write about why.
Just got word from the uncle, seems he's going through Oklahoma City right now, which is about the midpoint. He seems to be making good time, should get here sometime on Monday, which is good. I kind of wanted him to get here tomorrow (or, you know, today), but I have so much studying to do that that probably wouldn't be any better, really.
Haven't been blogging much because of the studying/random packing stuff. The entries will probably be few and far between until I make it home (around the 18th or 19th), which is just as well as my heads all over the place, and anything I blather on about will probably be whiny and emotional and say way too much about me. Blogging under the influence of stress is nearly as bad as blogging under the influence of alcohol, only without the effective excuses.
Whether or not I'm happy to be leaving depends on when you ask me. Right now the answer is yes, but if you ask me five minutes from now, the answer could be totally different, so bah on that. (oh, that was eloquent of me, no? sheesh.)
I really hate to do this, but everyone and their mother has my URL, like seriously... professors have it, coworkers have it, my ten year old sister has it... so yeah, I'm having to do a little damage control on this one. It's not really bad so much as not flattering to my character (especially where aforementioned sibling unit is concerned.) If anyone wants to know what it said, email me and let me know and I'll send it to you... It now resides permanently in the SSDtm.
Woooo... today's been interesting, so now, in no particular order, are some... things...
1. Chris, the author behind a blog that I read almost religiously, has linked to my site. WooHooo! Yay for validation, especially from someone whose writing I enjoy so much. (By the way... Chris, if you haven't tried them yet, might I recommend spark notes? Not sure if the full sets are available online anymore, but they're better than Cliff Notes. I used the notes for Moby Dick to write a paper because I didn't have time to read the book, and I ended up with an A... They make the lives of English majors a lot easier.)
2. The English faculty here are awesome and inspiring, and that is one of the many reason why I will actually really miss this school. Dr. Adam signed my book with this: "Stacy: You've clearly left your mark on Chatham even more than Keats' garden on your ankle. PREVAIL AGAINST THE ENEMIES OF LEARNING! DG Adam." Heh... if you went on the London trip, or have heard my stories about it or read them in here, you'll know why that's *so* damn funny.
3. Because so many people I know in real life read this blog, I've actually started a Super Secret DiaryTM elsewhere on the net. It's password protected, so don't go looking for it. However, for a number of reasons, I would like to open it up to a small audience of people that I don't know whatsoever. Lot's of people read this site daily that I have never met or spoken to, so if you think I should let you read the SSD, drop me a line (via email or using the form at the left) telling me why. Also leave your name and pick a password in case I pick you. And if you know me or we've met in person, don't even ask. Most of you already know about the stuff I'm writing about, but there are certain things that certain people don't know about me, and just to make it fair and anonymous, I'm not opening up to anyone I actually know.
So it's getting down to hell week. For my benefit, here is my to-do list for this next week.
Java, section 3.1 practical test Java, section 3.2 exercise<~~~ this assignment, by the way, can eat me. I have never been so damned excited to cross something off a damn list. Java, section 3.2 multiple choice quiz Java, section 3.2 practical test <~~~ I did brilliantly on this one, if I may say so myself Java, section 3.3 exercise
Java, section 3.3 multiple choice quiz Java, section 3.3 practical test
Java, unit 3 practice exam
Java, resubmit ProfSmilingApplet
Pre-Calc, section 6.1 Pre-Calc, section 6.2
Study for French Final Study for Pre-Calc Final (started) Study for Java Final (half done)
Take French Final Take Pre-Calc Final Take Java Final (half done)
Paper for Writing Fellows
other non-homework like things get time sheets in for web dev job email dr lenz re: writing fellows paper? fill out change of address form pack (begun)
track down leave-of-absence form give GBD back her video round up WotWot's stuff so it doesn't get packed take pictures of my friends here that aren't going with me
work out with M.E. and the uncle what we are taking of her stuff wash huge pile of laundry
bah... not really too much stuff to do when you come right down to it, though I'm sure I'll be adding to this list. It's going to feel really good to go through and strike things out as I finish them. WooHaa.
I'm playing death in a one act play on campus this weekend. Tomorrow is the last show, and last night was the best so far. It's a commedia del arte script, so pretty silly, with that lesson-y feel. It's about living before you die. Here is how the director wants my eye-makeup for the show:
You know how sometimes you just need life to point at you and say "Hey! You! Yeah, you in the flogging t-shirt! Congratulations, you're headed in the Right DirectionTM ." Well, (woohaaa!) I needed that, and I just got it. It seems Humboldt has extensive teaching opportunities for graduate english students, which is exactly what I need. Let's look at this piece by piece and see why it's perfect for me...
Graduate students may intern in literature or composition classes where they work closely with experienced professors. Interns are exposed to a wide range of teaching activities and experiences.
This sounds a lot like what I'm doing now as a writing fellow. Granted, I'm sure it's taken up a notch for graduate students, but with writing fellows on my transcripts, well, it will improve my chances a bit.
Consulting in the Writing Center
Graduate students are encouraged to work in the Writing Center as volunteer writing consultants, working one-on-one with undergraduates helping them develop as readers and writers. Well-qualified volunteers may become paid Graduate Assistants.
See above. I can volunteer to get more experience... hopefully I can even do this as an undergraduate, but we'll see about that when I get there. At any rate, if I volunteer it will improve my chances of getting one of the following positions:
Teaching Freshman Composition
After completing prerequisite course work, graduate students who have prepared themselves well in internships may be considered for paid teaching positions in Freshman Composition or Introduction to Literature.
WooHaaa... paid teaching positions. This is where we hit paydirt. Granted, it probably pays next to nothing, but thats better than actual nothing, and it will give me more experience teaching. And, if I'm really lucky, there's also this little gem:
Future Faculty Preparation Program
The Future Faculty Preparation Program is a cooperative program with College of the Redwoods, a community college about twelve miles south of Humboldt State University. It is designed to prepare students for teaching in a community college. Participation in this program is not required for the M.A., but it is an excellent way to obtain teaching experience. It has proven to be especially attractive to students who plan on applying for a teaching position at a community college after they receive their degree. Because the number of placements as teaching assistants at College of the Redwoods is limited, entrance to the FFPP is competitive.
Now all I have to do is hope I get accepted to Humboldt in the first place. They should be getting my transcripts either today or tomorrow, so hopefully by the time I get home, I'll know if I'm in or not.
I talked to my uncle the other night, to finalize our plans for the Gigantic Cross-Country RoadtripTM (or at least get on the same page.) He'll be leaving California on May 10th to head out here, with an estimated date of arrival somewhere on the 13th or the 14th. My last final is on May 13th, which leaves ample time to pack up the van and get the hell out of dodge... So in less than two weeks I'll be leaving here, forever. In all likelihood I may never set foot on this campus again.
So naturally I've been thinking about this a lot. This place has been a defining factor in my life for the past two years (well, 18 out of 24 months of it, anyway.) It's kind of strange to think that I'll probably never see the professors that I have so much respect for, or most of the students here. It's wierd to think that next year, I won't looking at the world through Chatham goggles. Next year I'll be on a bigger, co-ed campus 2500 miles away, and that's kind of scary. As much as I bitch about it, this school really is a pretty close-knit community. Even the people I don't talk to know my name here. By most definitions, Humboldt is still a small school, for public schools. But I doubt that I'll know everyone on a campus populated by 8,000 full-time, undergraduate students. It's a little unnerving to think of it in those terms.
I know I'll make friends next year. All said, I'm really pretty good at meeting people. But it bothers me to think that I might lose touch with some of my friends here. Even if we were graduating together that would be possible, but I'm sad to be leaving them so soon. They've shared the ups and downs of my life for 2 years now, and that is completely irreplaceable. New friends I meet won't have been there when I was in London, or watched ghostbusters from the safety of my cubby. And they certainly won't have driven me and my sister up to Mount Washington on the last night of her visit. And I sincerely doubt they'd have the guts to wear a zebra-print dress and tinsel on their heads. I have changed a lot over the past two years, and my friends here have been the primary witnesses and colaborators in that. Even if we lose touch, I will never forget them, or their impact on me.
Nostalgia aside, though, I really am looking forward to going home. I don't suppose it would be too much to hope for a little bonding with my uncle while we're stuck in a mini-van together for 3 solid days? Only time will tell with that, of course. Methinks the conversation (if any) will feature aliens, the coming apocolypse, and things I should do to improve myself. I want to curl up on my couch. It's kind of ridiculous, I guess, that I associate that stupid couch with the comfort of being at home, but considering that that's where I usually sleep, and tend to be quite comfortable, well, it's just my couch. And right now, it sounds like the only place on earth where I can really de-stress.
In other news, a friend of mine gave me some Iron pills (which the dr I saw here on campus recommended, as I seem to be getting pretty anemic.) I took one today, hasn't been any huge marked improvement, though I do seem to be less sleepy than usual. I've got 3 more, so hopefully I'll see more of an improvement and be up to walking to the drug store to pick up some more.