stacy was here (and probably spinning....): 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning
Friday, August 29, 2003
Well, I did it... I dropped the minor. I feel a little bit of disappointment, because I know I could have done it, done well in the classes and stuff, but I also know I would haven been completely burnt out on everything academic by the time I finished, and I totally don't want that. I love learning, and I love going to school. I think taking classes over the summer didn't leave me enough of a break, but I'm still glad I did that. I'm also a little sad about dropping my chem class, because I liked the professor, he really seemed to have an interest in the students and was nowhere near as awful as everyone made him sound. It's not all bad, of course, I'm probably taking a class on 20th century women artists, which should be cool, I'm hoping. Also, I can do individual tutoring now, and I can get the one unit for the tutor training class I was going to be taking anyway. Also, if I can get into it, I'm going to take a fitness swimming class, because I wanted to do that before anyway. I can also lay down at night and have my mind shut down, which it hasn't been doing. Ever since I got back its been going a mile a minute, wondering if I forgot to do something, worrying about what tomorrows classes would throw at me, and thinking over and over that I was never going to make it through the semester. Last night is also the first night since I've been here that I haven't cried and freaked out over my schedule. I got to hang out with Michelly and my suite mates last night, which was cool because it cheered me up a bit. I guess the disappointment is that I can't do everything I want to do or know I could do, but the relief is that I don't have to. If I pepper in a few more science classes here and there, which I may have room for, and especially the fun ones, I should be able to do some sort of science journalism. There are still tons of things I could do in grad school, from communications to journalism to english to law school to yes, possibly even still biology. It's getting harder and harder not to succomb to the "OMG what the hell am I going to do with my life?" panic, but I have to remind myself that I still have options, and that there really isn't a net tightening around me to decide my fate for the next 40 years at this point in my life. Plus the mamma said she isn't disappointed in me, and that there's really nothing I could do at this point that would disappoint her besides dropping out of school. Frankly, I think that would be more likely to happen if I did try to do the minor than if I don't.
This seems sudden because I haven't blogged about it yet, but the idea has been buzzing around in my head since I got here, and after looking over my notes last night I'm starting to consider it a bit more in terms of possibly really doing it. I'm thinking of dropping my biology minor. I love science still, but I will have to take two lab science courses, along with upper level English courses and random ge stuff, not to mention my job with the SI class and stuff. It's not that I think I can't handle it, because I'm relatively sure I'd be able to pull it off, my concern is what the overall cost will be. I won't be able to hang out with my friends, that's if they'd even talk to me considering how snippy and short-tempered I'm likely to become. I wouldn't be able to do any leisure reading at all, no watching movies, and my time to talk to Fuzzy and my mom and sister would be severely restricted. I wouldn't be able to do anything, really, besides study and do homework. In talking to my Chem professor, whom I already like, he said that the labs are likely to get more and more intense as I go, which I already figured would be true. Plus I've already had to sacrifice the individual tutoring that I did last semester and enjoyed. I emailed the professors of classes I would like to take if I end up dropping the minor, because I would be down to about 12 units, which although it is enough for me to still get aid, I would be more comfortable if I was getting more classes out of the way. I am also going to talk to my bio professor about this, because she knows me from last year and is familiar with the science dept and all that. So we'll see what happens.
today was long, tough, and intimidating... I'm starting to get through it now, but I've been having a panic attack most of the day that I may be taking on more than I can chew. I did throw a lot of errands into the mix today, so hopefully it's not as bad as I first thought. at any rate I can drop classes up to 2 weeks into the semester, so if I have to jump ship on something I can do that once I put things more into perspective. at any rate, this semester is going to be intense.
I've been a basket case from missing fuzzy so much. who'd have thunk you could get so used to being near to someone, so much so that it's like breathing. I never in a million years would have thought that it would be worse with him in California, but it's like the first time he left, I just keep thinking he's here, in the same state, sitting at my house, and I'm not with him, not on my way to him...
I can tell that him being there is making things better for my sister, though, because she didn't get upset when I was on the phone with her, in fact she seemed pretty cheerful, so there's a bit plus... normally it's a good month before she can talk to me without getting all weepy... I guess this time I'm the weepy one.
oh well, lab at 8am, so off to bed with yours truly...
So now that I'm settled in a bit, I suppose it's time I made a proper entry, no?
Things are okay, all things considered. Michelly is my roommate this year, so that should mean minimal stress on the housing front, plus Lili is a few doors down in a single, and there is a large living room to unwind in, so things should be good. My classes start tomorrow, and I'm in for one busy semester. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday shouldn't be too bad. I have classes from 10am to 5pm, with a 2 hour break and a 3 hour break. Tuesday and Thursday will be worse, as thats when my labs are... so I have classes from 8am to 5pm with only one half-hour break... ARGH... it's going to kill me, really. Hopefully I'll be able to get out of lab a little early each day just so I have some time to preserve my mental stability. I have an english class between labs, so at least it's not constant lab-ness. Also, one hour of that is for my supplimental instruction job, so while I have to go and pay attention and take notes, it's not a class I'll be graded in, and I've done it before, so not too bad really.
All in all I feel pretty good about being back here. It's going to be a tough semester, but I think I can make it, and after this, if all goes well, I'll feel like a legitimate bio minor instead of a fledgling science person. Does that make sense? I was flipping through my Chem 109 lab manual, and a lot of it looks familiar, so barring anything unforseen I think I might be able to do well in that class. Bonus is that a bunch of people in the AI living environment with me, including one of my suite mates, is in Chem 109 this semester, so we'll be able to form a study group. Woot.
I'm aching really bad to be home with Fuzzy though, and it's worse than it's ever been. We spent almost an entire month together, which may not sound like a lot, but considering that a) it's the longest we've ever spent together, and b) we were living together and spending the majority of our time together, it's still a lot. I got so accustomed to sleeping next to him, and just being able to kiss him and reach out and touch him, or just to being near him, and now it's a real shock to my system to be far away from him again. It's a little different now because he's living at my house, looking out for my little sister and my mom, waiting for me to come home. I sort of feel like I'm letting him down, because he moved out here to be closer to me and here I am 12 hours away, but we both knew this was coming. I just didn't know that the separation could get any worse than it was before, but it has, because now he's in my house and for the first time ever it actually felt like home.
I have stuff to put on my walls, but not enough. Send me pictures and postcards to help me fill the empty spaces. Nice, long, heart-felt letters are also always appreciated.
WoooHooo! so how about I have a job for this semester? and how about it's the "look-great-on-my-grad-school-application" type of job? turns out they need someone to do the supplimental instruction for bio 104 (the class I tutored in last semester.) It'll keep me up to date in the bio I've already learned so that I can do better in bio 105 next semester, plus it'll give me more tutoring/teaching experience, and it pays $8.50 an hour. so yeah, I'm a little excited ;)
Steevie gets back on Friday, and Michelly gets back one week from today :) woot woot.
so, yesterday was our one year anniversary, woot woot... things are going well. vacation was fun, we've been hanging out and kicking back because it's been too effing hot to do anything else. Phug man is back from Australia, and Stiva Diva gets back this friday, woot woot, plus Michelly gets here on the 19th, so all in all things are going good. Got an A in chemistry, and my boss in the tutoring center called with word of a job offer, so I have to call her back on Monday to see what it's about. Plus I got an email about a TA position for a class I took last semester (with a different teacher), so I emailed them back about that one, we'll see what happens.
got some cool pictures, maybe I'll put up another slide show when I get back to school and get lonely missing him... then again, I'll have Michelly, so maybe it'll be a while before I get bored and lonely... we'll see :)
btw, I called to tell you, but just for posterity: