stacy was here (and probably spinning....): 11/01/2001 - 12/01/2001















Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning

Thursday, November 22, 2001

Finally the temperature here is starting to plummet... I thought my room was going to be a sweatbox all year, but now it's pleasantly crisp, and perfect for curling up in piles of blankets. Even though I don't like everything about winter, I think I will definitely miss it. Maybe that's why I'm transfering to Northern California instead of Southern California. Aside from the fact that the former is far too full of distractions to really promote my college career, it's also so crowded, and it never really gets cold. At least in NorCal I'll be but a short drive from winter, and I like that. It hasn't snowed yet, so I'm still waiting for that. This year, now that I have a digital camera, I fully intend to snap about a billion pictures of everything. I think it's really changed my photographic style, having a medium that doesn't require cash flow for development of pictures... I think it's made me more free to take pictures of things that may have seemed insignificant before...

So wanna know how much of a nerd I am? I'm sitting here, on Thanksgiving day, all of my friends are gone until Monday, and even my roommate has left until late tonight, and I'm listening to Christmas songs. I love Christmas songs. They make me think of home, and my family, and my little sister, and that glow that seems to fill everything at Christmas time. The irony here, of course, is that I'm not Christian, I'm Pagan. It doesn't even matter, really, though... The songs are still as pretty to me now as they were when I was a kid. Maybe more so. I suppose I feel about Christmas songs the way I feel about my family as a whole. Even though there's often conflict between us all, on some rediculous level, there's still something inherantly beautiful about them, and about being around them. Even though my family is really good at hurting one another, I still like to know that they're near, and it's still really hard to be 2500 miles away from them, in Pittsburgh, with no way to be home for Thanksgiving.

Mitch Ellykins talked to her mom about the whole transfering thing, and it looks like everything is go. I'm really excited that she wants to transfer with me. She's honestly one of my best friends, up in the top four. Pretty good considering she's got some pretty stiff competition from my friends at home. I think the fact that we're doing this together will make it much easier to transition from one school to another. Plus Humboldt's art department is roughly 10 times the size of Chathams, at least course offerings wise. McQ is starting to look into a bunch of different schools, which I think is good. I would love for her to come with us, but I can't help feeling like she might be doing it for the wrong reasons. I know she'll make friends wherever she goes, and if it's close enough, I will definitely go visit her whenever I can.

New on the Chatham-Exodus bandwagon could be.... ... My favorite professor?!?!? I told him I was transfering, and we got to talking about Humboldt, and he asked if I knew of any openings in the English dept. We ended up looking it up after class, and it turns out there are 2 openings. He even looked up the salary scale. I don't know how serious he is about it, though I would be absolutely beside myself with glee if he starting teaching at Humboldt. He's the most inspiring teacher I have ever had, and that's saying quite a lot. Not to mention the fact that Chatham is trying to force him into retirement, which I think is a big pile of bullshit. The man loves teaching, you can tell by the way he teaches. All professors should fight retirement as fiercely as he does... It really says something about his dedication to the profession. He's the reason I'm going to London again, even though I could be going to Italy (where I've never been before.) Hopefully Humboldt will have the sense to hire him.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I might post later today, I might not, but hopefully everyone else is enjoying this day with their families.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 8:46 AM   0 comments

Sunday, November 18, 2001

Well, now that I'm here at work with some serious time on my hands, I think I'll create *dun dun dun!*


So I'm having issues over the whole transfering thing... I still definitely want to do it, that I'm sure of. I'm just really really afraid that something stupid will prevent me from going. I don't know why I'm so worried, I just am. And it looks like two of my friends here will possibly be going too, hopefully. It would really be cool if we could all do this together, provided everything goes through. I'm just sort of mad at myself because I'm finding stupid things bothering me about the other school. The buildings aren't old and pretty, the area isn't particularly fascinating, and a slew of other things that really don't matter at all. At ALL! The academics are better, I can tell that just by the course offerings.... I'd be near my ocean, and the school even has a surf club I could join, which is really cool. I don't know if I will, it just depends on how clique-ish it is. If they're all a bunch of assholes who were born surfing, yeah, I probably won't join. If they're cool and don't mind the fact that I suck, it could be really cool. And there are some really awesome art classes I would love to take, not to mention the tons of classes they offer for Mitch Ellykins major that aren't offered here. Hopefully I'll like it when I go to see it over break... I've got my fingers crossed.

Second, apparently some people actually read this thing of mine... LoL... who knew? So I thought, hey! Time for an update. So my Mom and Facade are no longer dating. As it happens, the vacation that my mom invited him along for turned out to be the guillotine blade on the relationship this time. Kinda funny when I think at how hard my sister and I rebelled against him going. See, we went to Lake Tahoe, and we were out on one of the beaches. Well, there was this old pier, you know, like in the Country Time Lemonade commercials? And people were jumping off of it, and my sister wanted to do it. So we checked it out. It wasn't too deep or too shallow, adults and kids had been doing it for hours, and the water was so freaking clear you could see all they way to the bottom. Well, Facade freaked out because he's afraid of everything, and he didn't want her to do it... We let her do it anyway, and she had a blast with it. Thats a memory she'll have forever. Well, anyway, fast forward a few months. They go back to the psychologist, and all of a sudden he's having major issues about it. The idiot actually let my sister go out in his boat on the lake by herself, too, but don't even get me started on that one. So he tells the shrink that my Mom shouldn't have let her do that because he didn't want her too, and was all huffy and shit, and as usual was too fucking dense to notice anything anyone else was saying. And apparently the dr. told Facade he was an idiot, in nice words, of course. Big words that facade wouldn't understand. By the way, if said dr should ever read this, YOU ARE MY HERO. When I think of all the times that that stupid moron has put my sister in danger, it makes me want to vomit. At the age of 4 he put her on a ferris wheel with a stranger. When she was 6, his car broke down on the freeway, and he left her there, in the car, on the side of the fucking freeway while he walked blocks away to call for assistance. ALONE!!! ON THE FREEWAY!!!! Anything could have happened. And you know why I remember all of this?? Because my sister remembers every second of all of it, and it still affects her to this day... He's most of the reason she has abandonment issues and is afraid to be alone. So excuse me if I'm a little peeved when he gets mad at us for letting her jump into a lake, supervised, with numerous people already in the water. What a fucking hypocrite. And he's got a lot of damn nerve trying to tell my mom what she can and can't let my sister do. The asshole isn't even a fucking parent. When he comes over its to try to put his lecherous hands all over my mother and try and convince her to get back with him, and he's fucking ignores my sister. Thats why it hurt my sister so much when they started dating again, because she's used to him ignoring her, she's just not used to my mom playing into it. All he cares about is trying to take advantage of my mother. Even when he does do stuff with my sister, which is rare, he bugs my mom to go and he treats my sister like she's as dumb as he is. Thank god Amie got her brains from our side of the family. I have no use for the man... Even my sister doesn't want him around. She'll lie to him and make up excuses why he shouldn't come over. The only time she wants him around is when she wants him to buy her something, and you know why? Because he's been trying to buy her affection since she was a baby, and he's always made everything about money, so why the hell shouldn't she use him? Normally I'm against that sort of thing, but if thats his only use to her, then she might as well take advantage of it. He's not affectionate, he's not going to pass her any pearls of wisdom, he's not particularly supportive of her, and he doesn't make her feel good about herself, so he might as well shell out money, because thats the only thing he can do with any mild amount of talent.

So lately I've been finding that I have a lot of unresolved issues to work out, which is yet another reason why I need to be closer to home. Being 2500 miles away from home doesn't help, it only makes said issues more abstract. I still have unresolved feelings about my grandfathers death... and I haven't even begun to deal with the loss of my aunt. I knew that one was there, but I wasn't prepared... It hit me just a little the other day, for a split second, and I was in tears..... We were too close for any of it to be easy for me, but I don't feel like this is the right place for me to deal with it. Her ashes were spread at sea, so maybe that's why I've been craving the ocean and a beach on which to reflect so badly. I just know I need to be there, and not here anymore.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 9:12 AM   0 comments

Saturday, November 17, 2001

Sometimes I really hate myself and my wretched existence. Like why can't I fucking just enjoy something really great and be happy for an evening? Tonight was awesome, yet here I am brooding about stupid shit that can't be fixed anyway. *sigh* I really am a big loser.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 11:22 PM   0 comments

I think my fucking hearing went supersonic last night because I kept waking up to the sound of my roommate on the phone with a friend of hers who was incredibly inebriated. HE was yelling so loud I could hear HIM through the phone and halfway across the room. And her talking bugged me too, even though both of us talk into the night sometimes and her talking has never bothered me before. I think I'm just in a pissy mood, though I've no idea why. I have a sneaking feeling I'm getting sick, and that is also pissing me off. So yeah, in order to fall asleep I had to put on my headphones and play Linkin Park really loud... joy... Not that I don't like them, cause I really do, it's just not good sleep music and nothing else would drown them out...

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 6:26 AM   0 comments

Friday, November 16, 2001

Ok, so where was I?

14. I am getting really really sick of some of the people at my school. Yes, I realize there will probably be pissy people at any other school, and yes I know that some people will inevitably see it as "letting them win", but I, quite frankly, completely fail to give a shit. Just like the whole ocean thing, this is merely a fringe benefit.

15. Quaint little beach town.

Will Resume Later

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 10:56 PM   0 comments

wow, how things have changed since I actually posted something worth posting. First, my mega announcement:

I'm Going To Transfer to School in Northern California!

Here are my reasons for transfering:
1. I want to be within a days drive of my family, just in case. I'm no longer comfortable with this three-thousand miles bullshit.

2. I want more variety in the classes I am offered. Only a larger campus can offer me that.

3. The school I'm looking at is approximately twenty thousand dollars a year cheaper than mine. That includes room and board.

4. Five Words: Pacific Ocean Meets Redwood Forest. My soul craves the ocean. It seems a rediculous thing to base the future of my life and education on, but I feel a sort of emptiness being this far from the ocean. And no, this is not the main reason at all. It's a fringe benefit. Yes.

5. My absolute favorite professor and most influential and inspiring teacher of all time is retiring largely because of the actions of this school, and not entirely voluntarily. As he leaves, so will a great deal of my respect for this institution.

6. I'd like to be able to register for the classes I want without having to get up at the crack of dawn just to get into my freaking painting class, thank you very much.

7. I could actually, maybe afford to live off campus at this other school, AND I could take my car.

8. There'd be boys there. Again, not a big deal as I tend to feel that a relationship would compromise my academic career, but I'm starting to see why a lot of my friends are guys. I need balance, dammit.

9. God willing, this next semester will be my last exposure to Pierre Capretz. I mean, yeah, maybe a good idea for people who only need to SPEAK French, but I'd kind of like to be able to conjugate verbs, spell things correctly, and I must say that punching Mireille in the face would give me immense satisfaction. McQ will have my back on this one.

10. I don't really expect the cafeteria food to be better than it is here. It can't, however, be worse, and at least it will be a new variety of awfulness. And Jesus Christ, I would like some fucking Mexican food that doesn't have massive chunks of tomato in it, and for the love of GOD, it must not be sweet! Is that too much to ask??

11. Three Words: TOO MUCH FLANNEL! 'Nuf Said.

12. New school has a Cannibis Coalition. I don't smoke pot. I don't want to smoke pot. I think pot is nasty. I like this club on principal alone. Incidently, new school also has Surf Club. Yes.

13. I appologize in advance to Mitch Ellykins. The vocabulary of the average Pittsburgher stinks. The leave important words out of sentences ("The car needs washed"), make up words ("yunz" "slippy"), contract words ("souside" "'sliberty"), and generally just talk wierd. I feel that my chances of securing gainful employment after graduation will be vastly improved if I can retain my grammatical accuracy.

For the moment I have to go... I will resume this list at a later time when I don't have to multitask myself to death.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 8:52 PM   0 comments

Wednesday, November 14, 2001

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 7:04 AM   0 comments

Tuesday, November 13, 2001

I am 68% EMO.

Emo Kid.
Well.. I've made the cut! Now I'll go buy some promise rings and knit myself a sweater.

Take the EMO Test at!

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 8:51 PM   0 comments

help end ribbon campaigns

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 7:04 PM   0 comments

and now, another... I think both are acurate, but this one more so than the first:

You are a very sensitive person and you try hard - (perhaps a little too hard) - to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers... But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired. You are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. stop trying so hard

At this time you "need to be needed" and again you "need to need". You have had this feeling for some time now and you are looking for someone who could share a close bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy. You have that belief that with the right person you could conquer the world.

You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation, and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you....

Matters have not gone well for you. You are experiencing severe stress trying to guard yourself from further disappointments.It would seem that all of your hopes and dreams have not been realised .. and you are now beginning to doubt yourself. You no longer wish to be further advised by anyone and you insist on going it alone... to control your own destiny. Even though deep down you doubt whether things will get better in the future... you have one consolation - and that is that they couldn't possibly get worse. Unwilling to give up anything that you possess, you are looking for some sort of security as a protection against any further setback or loss of position and prestige. You are so negative that you tend to exaggerate your problems and refuse to accept any advice from so called well-meaning friends.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust ... but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised ... You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right ... maybe you are ... but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy ... let go ... and smile.. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders .... try it and see.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 9:37 AM   0 comments

So here's my color evaluation from colorgenics:

You seem to be trying to sweep aside the situations and maybe the people that you feel are standing in your way. You are impulsive and apt to follow these impulses seeking to be involved in special or exciting happenings. In this way you hope to deaden the intensity of your conflicts, but your impulsive behaviour is leading you to take some unnecessary risks ... back down a little and remember "more haste - less speed".

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going.. but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are ... not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, "Simpatico".

Being a very proud individual you tend to hold yourself aloof...pretending that you are stoical...indifferent to pain and pleasure...but this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional individual, one that may make a hasty decision...and perhaps regret it at leisure. It is time now to break the bond of detachment and be the "you" that you would like to be, give vent to your emotions and enjoy yourself.

Matters have not gone well for you. You are experiencing severe stress trying to guard yourself from further disappointments.It would seem that all of your hopes and dreams have not been realised .. and you are now beginning to doubt yourself. You no longer wish to be further advised by anyone and you insist on going it alone... to control your own destiny. Even though deep down you doubt whether things will get better in the future... you have one consolation - and that is that they couldn't possibly get worse. Unwilling to give up anything that you possess, you are looking for some sort of security as a protection against any further setback or loss of position and prestige. You are so negative that you tend to exaggerate your problems and refuse to accept any advice from so called well-meaning friends.

Whatever you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong and you are now quite convinced that there is little point of formulating new objectives and it is this belief that has resulted in the stress and anxiety. You would like to be able to communicate with other people who think as you do. At this time there seems to be no-one on the horizon nor is there any prospect of meeting anyone in the immediate future. But it must be said that you are really a "trier" and indications are that you will .... as indeed you have in the past "bounce back".

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 9:34 AM   0 comments

Wednesday, November 07, 2001

Ok, so here's the deal. The place that was hosting my site took a mega dump and they haven't been up in ages, so until I find a new one, my url:, will point here, to my blog. This is all fine and good, especially since I haven't finished the changes I'm planning to make... I'm even considering a mega redesign if I can find the time to do it. Maybe over thanksgiving break if I don't have too much other crap to do? If you have any ideas, email me, especially if you're good at web design and can make tables any less intimidating for me. I finally got something up on one of those class sites I promised to make, it's for my creative writing class and can be found here... Other than that things are going ok I guess. I'll try and post more later

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 11:37 AM   0 comments

Sunday, November 04, 2001

Will this semester ever freaking end?!?!?!?

Ok, so I don't hate it here this year. I really don't. But I'm feeling really restless, and it is sooo hard to get out of the Chatham bubble. Besides that, I'm broke, so even when I do get off campus, I have to fight off the temptation to spend money I don't have. Of course, this generally leads to creative spending, like the dozen books I bought from the library for a grand total of 5 bucks. Maybe I'm a rare breed of bibliophile... I buy more books than I can read. I'm kind of excited, though... I got a copy of Jude the Obscure for 35 cents, so I can FINALLY finish the damn book, which I started about 4 years ago.

So here's something else I've been thinking about lately... Why is it that people aim to appease the lowest common denominator? I wrote a poem for my creative writing class, and it has a reference to one of Yeat's poems it in. A couple of people actually said that I would alienate some of my readers because most people haven't read Yeat's. So I gave it some thought, and I decided that I don't give a shit. I think people who deal in all varieties of mass media try too damn hard to make everything accessable to the average Joe Moron. why?? It seems that being well-read and well-educated is no longer in vogue, and I think that's a BAD thing. I don't think it's beneficial to pretend that stupid people really aren't just so that they feel better about themselves. People should at least know that Yeat's was a poet. Then if they don't know the particular poem to which I am refering, they at least know where to look to find out. I don't think it's necessary to dumb it down for anyone.

I will be really really happy when Christmas time gets here so that I can go home for a while. I miss my mom and my sister really bad. And all the pettyness that has consumed the last few weeks here is really grinding on my nerves. To be fair, it's only one person causing it, but it just makes me tired overall. For all their faults, my friends at home are not anywhere near as petty as this one girl is being. I just need to be away from this bullshit and back to my normal scheduled craziness.

posted by Cat Named Eggroll @ 11:26 AM   0 comments

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