I'm back home now, home meaning Humboldt county with Fuzzy, the geckos, and our demented trio of furry feline beasties. It was nice to be home to visit the mama and Amie and a few friends, but most people ended up blown off because I just did not have enough time to see everyone. I mean, I really went back because a) we have to do wedding crap sometime, and b) my grandmother is in a convalecent home and her remaining time on Earth is debatable. So yes, I went to see her at least once every day I was home. I won't lie, it was a hard thing to do, the home is really creepy, and it smells bad, and it's really depressing and a bit unnerving to see people suffering a wide range of derailments in their twilight years and to think that they were once fully functional people with careers and families and interests and all of the things that are important to me. And yes, me and my grandmother have never been exceptionally close, that's no secret either, and my feelings this week have surprised me. Not to be cold or anything, but after everything she's put me through in my life, I wasn't sure what to expect when this time came. I was sort of afraid that I wouldn't feel anything at all, actually, that I'd be a little too
ready for her to pass on. That is not the case, which is sort of a blessing because at least I know that, despite it all, she hasn't quashed my ability to love her and care about her, which says something about my capacity to love and also about my capacity to forgive. I'm glad to be human, even if it means a tougher grieving process. And in her infirmity, somehow my sister and I have risen to god-like status in her eyes, and I seem to have taken Chris with me at least part of the way. If I was able to handle being in that place every day, it was because I could see how happy it made her for me to be there. She didn't even say anything about tuxedo's this trip, I think she's finally come to grips with the fact that we're doing the wedding our way, even if Chris ends up in his usual attire of khaki shorts and a hawaiian shirt. I think at this point she's working more on being there, and I think if it's humanly possible for anyone to last that long in her condition, she will do it. I really hope she does, it would be nice to have one natural grandparent there on my big day.
Me and my mom got quite a bit accomplished this week, actually. Monday we went to the LA flower mart and bought a shitload of flowers for under $40. By shitload, I mean that we each (me, Momma, and Amie) had our arms full of hydrangeas, lisianthus, larkspur, delphinium, queen anne's lace, lemon leaf, tree fern, etc etc etc. I taught my mom how to make corsages, which is much more up her line than flower arranging, and I think it's really made her feel better about the whole thing. Corsages are easier because the flowers are all wired, so they generally stay where you put them, which she likes. I put together some small vase arrangements, and so she knows at least that I can do them fairly easily, especially since I'm not terribly picky, and because it's pretty hard to make flowers look bad. For the bouquet, I've decided my first choice is lisianthus and sweet pea, because I think it will look really nice, and a bit more delicate than the big ball o'hydrangea, which I like. If it doesn't turn out how I want it, the big ball o'hydrangea will more than suffice, and it'll be an easy solution to crazy bride syndrome, should the bouquet adventure induce it. We also got the lace for my dress, my dream lace, the lace that looks like spun gossamer. It cost $30 a yard, but hot damn if it isn't the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. My mom isn't even finished with the prototype dress, but we wanted to make sure we got it while they still had it. We also decided on the material for the rest of the dress, though that we can order any time. I can't remember the name of it. My mother swears it sounds like "shanghai", which it really doesn't, but it's really cool fabric... it's only very slightly shimmery, so I won't be stuffed into some blinding satiny contraption. It has a matte, almost papery feel to it that I really like because it looks simpler. The lace will make an appearance at the neckline, and peeking out from under the split in the over skirt. I don't want to over-do it, I just want it to be pretty. I'm excited about the prototype dress, too, because it's a really pretty blue print, and it'll be great for fancy candle-lit dinners on the honeymoon. We also went by a cake shop recommended by one of my grandmothers therapists, and we got their "cake nachos" which are pieces of cakes that they would otherwise discard, and you usually eat them with whipped cream or filling to dip it in, but we got it without. I was too full from breakfast (the heat makes my appetite virtually disappear), but my mom ate them after my flight left and she said they really just melted in her mouth, so sounds promising.
The mamma has also put her foot down and demanded that Chris come down for the holidays, so the two of us will be down around Christmas at some point. Somewhere along the line we became one of those power couples that people set their watches by. People who've known me forever as an individual now see me and ask where he is. It doesn't bother me because I missed him the whole week, too. Plus we have to pick out a suit at somepoint, and I'm guessing he'll enjoy the cake tasting as well...
So I registered before my trip home, and I got all of my classes, which was good, but my books are going to be well over $400, which sucks major ass, especially since my financial aid check isn't mailed out until the first day of classes, so I had to blow almost my entire last pay check on books, and I'm not even done yet *facepalm*. Classes start a week from today, and I'm very excited about them really. Can't wait to get back into the swing of things.
Also, the futon is now complete and opperational, so for all you guys visiting us this fall, you'll have a comfy and spacious place to sleep. Thanks to Anthony for helping with getting it up here, it is mucho appreciated.
To those people I didn't get to see this trip home, sorry 'bout that, I did try, but it's become impossible to be able to see everyone in one week. I will do my best to make the next trip longer so I can see everyone.