stacy was here (and probably spinning....): 09/01/2002 - 10/01/2002
Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning
Monday, September 30, 2002
Today has been officially decent.
At Archery this morning, we got to shoot at balloons. It was interesting really. At first I felt like I was at a carnival, but after the satisfying bang every time I hit one, I enjoyed it a bit more. The instructor says we can bring in pictures to shoot at instead of balloons.... hmmmmmm *insert wicked grin here*
Classes were classes, not much to say there, really, except that I'm extremely glad that I'm an English major. Any time I have a writing assignment in a non-English class, I feel ridiculously prepared and always do well.
After that went to my interview at the Athletic Dept on campus. I think I have a good chance of getting it. It's only 4-5 hours a week, but that's 4-5 hours a week that I am currently NOT working and NOT getting paid for, so who am I to complain? Besides, if the I get the job in the Community Relations dept, that would probably also be around 5 hours a week, so I figure if all else fails, I can amass a collection of jobs with miniscule hours and somehow scrape up enough to equal one job of approximately 20 hours a week. That, and the girl that interviewed me is graduating at the end of the semester, and said that I'd be a good candidate for her position, which offers more hours and includes office stuff that I have experience in. Towards the end she almost slipped and told me she'd call me about my shif-- I mean email me to let me know her decision. Methinks that could possibly be a good sign.
Also on the job front, found out that Cosmic Debris is hiring. So I applied online, hopefully I'll hear back from them. For those who don't know, I want to be Emily the Strange when I grow up. ;) That and it would help me give my web sills a serious boost, which would be great. By my nearly compulsive redesigning habits, I'm assuming that anyone reading this would realize how much I dig building websites, so the more I can learn, the better.
I've been perusing the list of apartments around here currently available. Currently it looks like I'll be going for a studio, which isn't quite what I was hoping for, but it's better than living on campus with the WOOOOO people, and at least then Wendy could move out here. Hell, we've shared a single room before, I think a studio would accomodate us nicely, really. I did hear word from a friend in one of my classes that if I'm willing to commute a little farther, the rent drops dramatically.... hmmmmm... must investigate this possibility... if I remember correctly, her and a roommate split a 2 bedroom, 2 story townhouse for $500/month.... woot!
Tomorrow promises to include adventures in the Financial Aid office. Hopefully it will also include more info regarding the hypothetical thousand-dollar refund check I should hypothetically be getting. Updates forthcoming.
so yeah... I was a good girl this weekend, and did most of the studying I hoped to accomplish. I have two mid-terms next week, Wednesday and Thursday respectively, so I'm being uncharacteristically good about getting a jump on things. Yay me.
Of course, I wasn't all good this weekend. I started working on another template for the site. Not sure how I feel about it. Part of me likes the simplicity, part of me things there's too much white space. Maybe it's just that I've never willingly made a site with a white background before... Maybe I should give it a whirl, see what I'm missing. In related news, Netscape is wooing me for the first time ever. See, I'm stuck with IE5, which, although a lovely browser, doesn't support as much CSS as I use in the new template. So if you're looking at it in IE5 or lower, the borders on the center table are solid, as opposed to IE or Netscape 6, in which they are dashed. Tried to go download IE6, turns out I can't get it while running Windows 95. Time to upgrade, much? Hopefully I can syncronize watches with my uncle the computer guru and make that happen before the end of the year. *crosses fingers* So yeah. Let me know in the comments what you think of the new template. I know this one is still wet behind the ears, but what can I say? The creative urge is nagging at me....
It's now down to 53 days of waiting. Doesn't sound that long, does it? thats one month with 22 days tacked onto it. It feels terminally long to me right now, but seeing as I am hoping to have an apartment by then, and hopefully Wendy here as well, it's not like I've nothing to occupy those 53 days. I'm looking forward to 8 days at the end of a 53 day wait. Which means after the waiting, those 8 days will fly by before I even have a chance to take a breath... Sometimes I really hate the whole concept of time...
So I'm not sure now whether or not I'll be going home for Thanksgiving or not. It all depends on whether or not my uncle will be able to fix my car during the week, because I won't be able to be there on a weekend, which is when he'd normally do it, and I don't want to make that 12 hour drive twice the way my car is right now. If thats the case, I'll wait the extra month and go home for Christmas. Besides, if I get an apartment and all that, we can always have a feast there, though it may be sitting indian-style on the living room floor, depending on our ability to furnish it with $15 ;) My suggestion of turkey sammiches with potato chips and cranberry juice was vetoed. Guess that means I'd actually have to cook =O Might be fun, actually, now that I think of it, even though the thought of being so domestic makes a shiver go up my spine. Can't I just make reservations like my mother?
So life is moving steadily forward for your faithful heroine. I'm adjusting, getting comfortable in my skin again, maybe even starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel? I'll keep you posted on that last one ;) Maybe by the time I move again I'll have this whole process down pat, and not get ruffled about it anymore? If my pattern has any say in the matter, probably not, but at least I'm getting used to it, and at least the ruffled feathers don't last as long as they used to.
I think I just hit a really creative patch of life, like within the last few days. These things leap on me from out of the shadows... Usually it'll be when I'm listening to a song, and it'll just click with something in my head and start buzzing around in there, stirring images and ideas and what have you. It's usually an exact moment that the song fits into, as well... like the same song usually doesn't strike me twice, or if it does it's for very different reasons... So right now I've got that buzzing in my head, persistent as a rash, and I can't really do anything about it. See, it's not really the buzz to write, although it may end up manifesting that way for lack of other expression. Right now it's a buzz to paint, and stupid me, I left all my paints and canvases at home, 12 hours away, which may as well be a world away at this exact moment. I can see where it could forseeably turn into a photography buzz, but in that case I'd need a willing model since this is definitely an emotional expression, and I don't know enough people to be able to choose wisely. Can't you just see me walking up to a stranger who happens to have a compatible look with my vision and asking them to do a shoot with me? So yeah, my best model, my little sister, who can express millions of emotions and always gets what I'm saying when I give her instructions, is also 12 hours away. Then there's also the issue that I'd want to do film shots, which means paying to have film developed, which, at the moment, is not a realistic option. I wish I had a really huge telefoto lens for my camera, of course it would tempt me to take pictures of emotional moments unbeknownst to the participants, which is extremely unethical, but right now it fits with the song thats buzzing in my head. So I suppose the only outlet I'm going to find, in the absence of actual drawing skills, is writing. It seems such a pale comparison of what visual art can express, but we'll see what happens.
So today was better. I woke up, and was just to damn sick of being miserable to feel much of anything at all, so I gathered up my stuff for my planned day o' productivity. I met Michelly for lunch, and we chatted a bit and stuff, then she left for class and I mosied on downstairs to the Housing office to find out why I got a bill for housing. Turns out one of my loans hasn't been put through completely, so I just have to sign the promisary note and another paper that says I understand I have to pay it back. Hello? I'm a junior in college, if I don't understand loans by now, I think I'm a lost cause. Anyway, if my calculations are correct, then after the housing costs are taken care of there should be about a thousand dollars left over, which I believe goes to me.... so hopefully I'm right, but I'm not holding my breath at this point.
Before class I went and mailed off a letter to my Steevie in Australia. I love sending mail as much as I love getting it. Who knew? After that I went to class for two hours. Nothing exciting. Western Civ was okay, but as usual Intro to English Major made me want to remove my eyes with a spork. I swear if that were my first impression of the English major, I'd petition to have the whole discipline removed from the university. After classes I went and applied for another job on campus, and I have an interview for it on Monday, so everyone be sending me happy job vibes. I'm still hoping to get the job in Community Relations, as that is definitely more up my alley, but at this point I just need something, anything. I figure if I do get that money from the loan, and I get a job, even if it's not many hours, I can at least start to look for an apartment off campus. So cross your fingers for me. After that I went and dropped off my photo portfolio to Community Relations office as they had requested it. Then it was off to Financial Aid to figure out the loan stuff. Should have that done by Tuesday.
Then met up with Michelle again. She pointed out that I'm repeating my usual pattern, and she's right. I feel a lot better today than I have for a few days. Hopefully I can hold onto this until I have a job and more of a stable pattern here, I think that's what I really need most of all. Mostly I just need to figure myself out in a new context again. I can do this.
Oh, and Michelle gets the award for most interesting reaction to my new design: "When I first saw it, I thought it said Wild Moose Sightings." And really, what more can be said than that?
Okay, so mayhaps I should dish and explain some things, mainly the impetus for this redesign.
So it happens every year. If you've been reading this blog for any real length of time, you know by now that I get really excited about changes in scenery, but that the excitement gives way, not so slowly, to a plague of loneliness, self-doubt, and other various and assorted brands of misery. And naturally this time is no different. And even though I know this, it still doesn't prevent me from sinking into occasional periods of abyssmal saddness.
On some level, I feel like maybe coming here was a bad idea. I liked the idea of coming here because it's a small town. Thing is, it is a small town, but to me this school feels like a big city. Everywhere I look there's a sea of faces I don't recognize. I miss the close-knit community from Chatham. I miss knowing everyone and everyone knowing me. I miss walking in to apply for a job and knowing that the people I'm talking to know me by reputation by now, and that the resume in my hand is a mere formality. I miss being on a first name basis with students, faculty, staff, and hordes of people I've never sat down to have a lengthly conversation with. God help me, I even miss the dining hall and the hub. Why? Because I could at least walk in there and see a familiar face. I miss going to work in the web dev office and joking around with Jen about the ironies of teaching faculty how to build web pages. I miss creating god awful pages with Wendy for the sole purpose of demonstrating what not to do. I miss the riotous laughter and table pounding of the dining hall, and to a certain degree, even the feeling of nausia that would inevitably follow each meal. I miss hearing Doc Adam say "terrific!" or seeing Dr. Lenz blush anytime something naughty came up in American Lit. I miss Lynn skipping around the room reciting Chaucer's Canturbury Tales in middle english, or drawing phallic pictures on the board.
There are nice things about this place too. I like most of my classes, the campus is beautiful, even down to the hiking trails I take to get to class. I can look out the windows during class and see the ocean (doesn't do much for my class participation, mind you.) The air here is clean, and the water is so clean my bottle of Aquafina was clearer after I refilled it from the tap.
I dunno. Maybe it's just that I have too much time to think. I know things would be easier if I had a job, because at least then I'd have more to do with my time, be earning money, and be exposed to more people, with, hopefully, the result of making new friends. And hell, at least then I'd leave my apartment more. Plus then maybe I could move off campus and get Wendy out here...
You know, the main reason I came out here was to be closer to home, and bugger if I didn't botch that one too. Home is 12 hours away... a lot closer mileage wise, but it also means driving for 12 hours in each direction. In some ways it feels like home is even farther away now.
On the upside, I can still go back to Chatham, maybe, if things are still like this at the end of the school year. I figure I'll apply for financial aid at both Humboldt and Chatham, just like last time, and see what Chatham has to offer me. If it looks doable, maybe I'll do it. But who knows. That's months away, and I don't feel like I need to make a decision just yet. Hopefully it'll wear off and I can stay here. I really hate the idea of giving up... knowing me, it's probably just culture shock. If memory serves, I did this at Chatham too.
Also, I have some leads on jobs, so hopefully one of them will pan out.
And then there's something else I'm looking forward to, in about, oh, 56 days now... vague? maybe... I have to keep some secrets, after all... You don't actually think I post everything in here, do you?
** Woke up at an absurd hour of the morning (....okay, so it was 7:30... but thats absurd when you take into account that this is ME we're talking about...) poked tentatively at my hair and decided not to argue with it. Donned "proper interview attire", and then went tromping through the forest to... *drumroll please*
** Archery... who knew that getting psyched up for a job interview would do such wonders for my aim. From the exclaimations of "damn!" from either side of me, I think it's safe to assume two things: a) I get a really determined look on my face when I'm shooting... and b) doubt any of my classmates would want to get on my bad side whilst I'm wielding a bow and arrow. Rawr ;)
** Traversed to interview, which, as it turns out, was one of two today. This was with the Community Relations office at my school. Really seems like the kind of job I could sink my teeth into... a lot of opportunity there, a lot of valuable experience I would love to have. Think I did well.... only time will tell.
** Lunch at the J, which consisted of a turkey sandwich a la doritos... C'mon, someones gotta back me up on this... you can't have a sammich without chips on it... right? I can't be the only one!
** Stopped off in the Depot, which, though it is another eatery, I generally patronize only as a dilligent student studying in a corner. Today, however, I looked at the book I should have been reading, remembered how it has never failed to induce situational narcolepsy in me, and opted to jot off a letter to my little sister. What can I say? I miss the mini-me :) Also flipped through copy of the Lumberjack (HSU's newspaper), and noted that a local casino was interviewing today for card dealers. Decided to pursue this.
** Next it was on to the bookstore, where I mailed said letter to the mini-me, along with a letter for Wendy. Yes I know, we've all got email... but what can I say? I'm old-fashioned, and I will never overcome the temptations of the paper letter.
** Off to class. Survived mind-numbingly boring Intro to English Major. I swear if I'd had to take that at the begining of my career as an English Major, I would have changed my mind! How is it that one English class can be so unfailingly dull, and the other one (Practical Crit) so much fun? Maybe if the reading we're given wasn't such a wonderful cure for insomnia...
** Western Civ. In-class writing... Not quite sure what comparing the ruling methods of Frederick II against Louis XIV will do for me in the long run, but at least it's interesting. They call Louis XIV the Sun King, and devoted almost an entire chapter to him in the book (which is odd, seeing as we're going all the way up to the 20th century in one semester...), but frankly, he seems kind of an excessive and paranoid wierdo.... v.strange.
** After class hoofed it up Cardiac Summitt to my place of residence. Spent 15 minutes catching my breath and syncronizing watches with Michelly, then hopped into the car and rode off in the direction of the aforementioned hiring casino. Played "Cecilia" (by Simon and Garfunkel) loudly. Sang along, also loudly. Arrived at place of job interview part deux. Filled out an application, waiting a while, did impressively on the math test, and then found that even though the add had claimed their willingness to work around student schedules, that they've scheduled the training classes Monday through Saturday from noon to 8pm. Okay, so if you're going to place an add claiming to offer flexible schedules for students in a UNIVERSITY newspaper, why make such a ridiculous training schedule??? Know what would happen if I accepted the job and went to the training? I'd fail my classes. Hmmmm... lets examine my priorities here... college.... job in casino.... grrrrrrrr So I just told him to forward my application and resume onto other departments. At this point I don't care if I'm dealing cards or pushing a vacuum cleaner, I need income. Seemed pleased that I'm willing to kill myself switching between a day schedule and a night schedule. Hopefully this will eventually manifest into a paycheck.
** Came home. Miraculously found my parking space still empty. Silently thanked every diety that I could think of. Layed down for a while and read one of the books for my Anthro class for a while. Relaxed. Got up, cooked ramen. Typed up disconnected blog entry.
Whew.... so I went in ready to raise hell regarding my meal plan and how it was gone... and it turns out the guy who rang me up at the cafeteria was wrong when he told me I only had about 8 bucks left... I have nearly 500 bucks left with which to eat for this semester, so woot woot for that. I am no longer clinically destitute. As such, any money I make with the stores I've posted will go directly into the "get Wendy here asap" fund. I sold a mousepad yesterday! I was surprised, didn't actually expect anyone to buy anything, so it gave me a bit of a confidence boost. :)
Things here are the same as ever. Classes are going okay, still looking for a job, but I have an interview tomorrow morning, so everyone send me happy job vibes so that I'll get it. It's not quite enough to enable me to move out, but it's in my field, and only between 9am and 5pm, so I can still apply other places for after those hours. And anyway, it's more than I've got at the moment, which is nothing. So wish me luck :) or better yet, wish me intelligence and confidence and all those little things that make potential employers want to hire you.
So I was walking to class this morning... left my apartment, went down the stairs and started making my way down the hill, when to my left I saw a small fawn grazing not ten feet away from me. See, thats what I love about this school... I can leave my apartment, see a deer, hike up a trail, cross a stream on a small footbridge or a series of rocks, hike up another hill and be at class. Every day seems to yield a new and beautiful wilderness experience.
I've made another addition. But first, some background.
For a long, long time I've harbored not-so-secret desires to be a photographer. Depending on my mood, I've wanted to work for Vogue, People, and National Geographic, and sometimes I've had the desire to revive my dormant freelance career, but so far I haven't really done anything with it.
Well, desperate times call for desperate measures.
I found out today that my school fucked up and gave me the wrong meal plan without telling me, meaning I have the equivalent of $8 worth of food left for the rest of the semester. I have a job interview coming up, and I'm desperately hoping to get it, for many reasons, not the least of which being that I'm fond of eating on a daily basis. So I had this idea, one that I've been toying around with for a while. Last year when the world was caving in on me I thought of putting a paypal tip jar on here, but I never did because I detest the idea of asking people for money. So I came up with something better. I went over to cafepress and created me an online store, I did... and so far I've adorned t-shirts, a poster, a mousepad, and a few other things with the original picture that inspired the design for this site. I will probably expand a bit over the next few weeks, add some new photos and stuff like that. Whats available now can be found here. Check the "Peruse the Moichandise" section in the side bar for updates. If you like my photos, feel free to suggest one for me to add to the store. And if you're not as broke as me, give it a whirl...
So today included an adventure to Ferndale, CA... it's this little victorian town not that far from my school, and The Majestic, with Jim Carey was filmed there. Well, we ventured into their historic cemetary, and I took some pics, which are now in a slide show at left. Woot.
So I guess it's time for an actual update... But I should warn you all that I'm currently legally insane. Apparently it's a side effect of my gender and my messed up body. Deal with it.
**Things are going good as far as school and classes go. A few nights ago I got entirely too excited about writing my first paper. The classes here are definitely up to par, which makes me happy. I feel like at least my education here will be better rounded, even if it means I have to take ridiculous amounts of GE courses. Pfffftt.
**I'm way lonely here though. If it weren't for Michelle being here, I think I'd probably be hanging from the cieling at this point. I'm not really motivated to meet people here, because they all seem to be Wooo people. You know the type, the ones who stand out in the parking lot at 2 am on a school night and yell "C'mon everybody, let's make some NOISE out here! WOOOOOOOOOO!" Yeah, charming, right? I dunno, maybe I'm prematurely old, but I'd kind of like to leave in a somewhat peaceful surrounding, not smell pot 24 hours a day, and possibly have some more friends here to offset the frustrations brought on by the constantly impaired.
**Roommate situation is at an even level right now. Not ideal, really, but bearable, which is all you can really expect being thrown in with four strangers, right? I like the roommate in my room best out of them all, which is a definite plus.
**Attempting to cover my wall with postcards. Desperately need more postcards to accomplish this, however. If you'd like to send me postcards but don't have my address, either say so in the comment system, email me, or IM me, and if I know you well enough, I'll kick down with the addressage. If you already have my address please send me postcards. Hell, send me postcards, love letters, hate mail, greeting cards, money, pictures, anything at all... except perhaps suspect white powders.
**After spending much of the night curled up in the fetal position, I can say with some degree of certainty that I'm sick of looking at my own knees.
**Thinking of taking some photos tomorrow, if I'm up to walking. There's some hiking trails around and a nice little stream not far from my dorm, and around the campus in general. Might also finally get around to finally posting a bunch of pics of my friends. Maybe.
**Used to think I was domestic until I moved in with these people. There's one who cooks actual meals like on a nightly basis. I'm doing good to make Top Ramen and do my homework. Tonights spectacular foray into domesticity involved Michelle and I calling Papa Johns. See, I like to cook, I really do. Unfortunately I also have to do homework. And read. And stuff. I'm probably turning into my mother, who makes spectacular reservations for dinner ;)
**There's this really wierd OCD guy living in this building. He sticks his head out the front door of his apartment when he hears me going down the stairs and talks to me sometimes. It's creepy. He tucks his pants into his socks. *shiver*
So here's an interesting tidbit for you... in Humboldt County, you can go through both Samoa and Manila in the space of 30 minutes. You can buy garlic fries from a bunch of staunch republicans. And you can drive down to the beach, watch the sunset, and then look up into the sky and see the biggest array of stars I have ever seen in my life. There's no smog up here, and if the night is clear, no fog.... And it's not like the beaches near big cities where the lights from civilization keep you from seeing the stars. When it gets dark here, it gets dark, so there's nothing to make the stars look pale.
So far, today promises more car-going adventures, this time I will be armed with my digital camera, and so hopefully a new slide show will be forthcoming. There are so many things here that everyone should see... huge, intricate victorian mansions, miles and miles of dark sanded beaches, forests full of coastal redwoods, and of course, the hippy culture up here, which never ceases to be interesting to me. So I guess we'll see what I come up with...
As far as life goes, well, it's interesting. Interesting, and laid back, and complicated, and forever keeping me on my toes.