stacy was here (and probably spinning....): 04/01/2001 - 05/01/2001
Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning
Friday, April 20, 2001
I have this "friend" here at school who, for the sake of internet anonymity, I will call Tina. Tina is a very self-repressed person, who takes every opportunity to "other" herself. This bothers me because she has either intentionally, or unknowingly lumped me into league with the great white oppressor because I have the audacity to NOT have a huge ancestral guilt trip just because I'm white. That, however, is not the immediate cause of todays frusteration. Mind you, it has distanced me from her and generally made me not want to be around her, which has made todays frusteration all the more frusterating, but only by benefit of compounding exasperation. Now, to set up, I have this desire to go to Prague, and ever since I found that I can get round trip air fare for less than $350 if I order early enough, I've been toying with the idea of trying to get a group to go next spring break. However, I have not asked her to go because I know she isn't as much of a traveller as me. We were talking about studying abroad at dinner today, and she started railing on Prague, like "who the hell would ever want to go there?" This got to me because, #1 she doesn't even know what country Prague is in, #2 she knows I want to go there and was only saying it to irk me, and #3 it was completely unnecessary for her to even mention it in the first place. *long deep breath* I wouldn't hang out with her at all if we didn't have the same friends. Lately she's turned into the type who has to have some damned snappy remark for everything, and I can't stand that.
Other than that, things are going ok. I have a research paper due in about 5 days that I haven't started writing yet. I'm writing it in my head, and I have tons of notes and scribbles written out from my resources, it's just a matter of putting it to paper at this point. If only I had about 2 months and 20 more pages to fill, I could turn out a much better paper.
One of my English professors mentioned the possibility of enlisting my help on putting up a website with his research and results from his sabatical project. I'm so excited about the possibility. It's my favorite professor, and I swear the man knows everything, so I know it would be a fun learning experience for me. I hope I get to do it. :)
This summer my friends and I are hoping to take a camping trip to Big Sur, CA. It's a beautiful place, and it would be fun in a big group. I hope we get to go, I haven't been camping in so long! I can't wait for the summer to get here! Also, I ordered a digital camera last night, so as soon as I get it I want to take some pictures of my school and my friends here to post on my site :)
I've decided my new goal is to NOT start any posts with "Ok, so..." Maybe it is my upbringing in close proximity to the valley? At any rate, I don't like the repetitive sound of it, so hopefully I can keep myself from saying it.
Spring is finally here! Here is what irritates me, though. I spend about 9 months out of the year here in Pittsburgh, PA. For 6 of those nine months it is a frozen hell, and now that the time is rapidly approaching for me to leave again, it has turned many many shades of beautiful. The grass is nearly a surreal color of green, and the flowers are blooming all over the place. And now for the clincher? It's supposed to snow again this week. I protest. I don't think that is acceptable. No more snow for this year, I can't handle it, dammit! Besides that, the ducks are back, and I don't want them to leave again :(
I have a research paper coming up, and my topic is the effect of the Jack the Ripper crimes on mystery fiction. It's really a fascinating topic, and I might be more excited about doing the paper if I didn't have 5 billion other papers to write coming up. *sigh* Why do professors assign papers all at the same time? Is it some diabolical plot to distroy me? My Philosophy teacher, who is a parrot teacher, really, assigned a 5 page paper that basically asks us to regurgitate everything he says in class. I despise this on the level of principal, because really all I have to do is type all my notes and hand it in. It makes me want to vomit, however, because this is a class on philosophy, and all we're learning how to do is memorize and recite things other people said. To me, college should be a place to develope your own philosophies and to learn to think for yourself. Major thumbs down to his lack of creativity and free thinking. Boooo! I've already decided not to take any other of his classes, which given that I'm an English major, shouldn't be too difficult.
Other than that, school is ok. I seem to be the only person in my class save the professor who actually understands and likes Faulkner. Not that I'd ever admit that in class, I don't want to be lynched.
I'm looking forward to going home, but in a way I feel that summer is counterproductive. If I stayed here every summer, I could graduate more than a year early... *sigh* Then I could go to grad school and get on with my life. Alas, I miss my friends, so my willpower isn't that strong. Also, my mom and my sister would probably hate me if I decided to stay for a summer. Maybe I'll just take more credits next year. I can handle at least 18 units a semester, easily.
The book club is starting out nicely. If you're one of the people who signed up, by all means nominate a book on the message board. I'll be putting up the voting page sometime this coming week, and hopefully we can pick one book that everyone will be happy with.
Ok, so I'm a big goober. I know this. Now everyone else knows it too. I'm starting a book club on this site, because let's face it, I am the goddess of all English weenies. And why am I doing this? Because summer is coming and I fear that I will be bored if I don't have people to discuss books with. *sigh* Exactly when did I become one of *those* people? Looking back, I can see that it was inevitable from the start, but still I feel as though it crept up on me. (and some of you may have noticed that my spelling sometimes leaves something to be desired, but I have never claimed to be good at language mechanics. Grammar and spelling sometimes elude me.)
Anyway, if you like to read, and aren't above congregating with other book worms, click the book club link and join us. You will be asimilated! Resistance is futile!
I don't know which is worse... having unrequited feelings for someone, or not having feelings for anyone at all. It's been a loooooong time since I've looked fondly at someone... and it's kind of lonely without that, I guess. I miss having someone to think about. It's not like I really need the hassle or anything... it would just be a nice change.
Less than a month and a half until I get to go home for the summer. I really miss my family and friends... and I really miss my ocean. Of course, naturally now that I'm about to leave, my campus is turning to a gorgeous array of colors. The grass and trees are almost a surreal shade of green, and the flowers are blooming all over the places. It figures that 6 of the 9 months I'm here this place is a frozen hell, and just as it turns beautiful, it's time to leave again. *sigh* Oh well, I won't miss the humidity, that's for damn sure.
I think I'm just growing terminally bored now that its actually reasonable to want to go outside. This summer should be fun... my car is waiting for me, and so is my ocean... :)
Ok, so I'm kind of depressed at the moment, because I just read an article about a 12 year old girl who committed suicide last month. Here is the URL for the article if you want to read it: http://detnews.com/2001/schools/0103/08/a01-196600.htm. Her story is sooo familiar to me, because it is my story, and the story of so many of my friends and peers. In school, let every god of every religion help you if you're too tall, too short, too thin, too fat, too smart, too learning disadvantaged, wear glasses, have braces, aren't good at sports, aren't good at english, aren't good at art, aren't good at music, have an accent, talk slow, talk fast, walk funny, wear black, wear white, wear anything other people aren't wear, wear the same things other people are wearing, are too rich, are too poor, are too loud, are too quiet, believe in the Christian God, believe in any other God, or any other of the myriad of stupid things that kids will tease other kids about. At that age, all any kid wants is to be accepted. At 21, 31, 41 and on up, most people just want to be accepted. When are people going to stop caving in to the "kids will be kids" excuse? If kids will be kids, then kids will keep dying like this, either by their own hands, or by the hands of the people they teased or watched being teased every day. TV is not the culprit. Video games are not the culprit. Music is not the culprit. People are the culprit and, more importantly, deaf-eared, scapegoat-seeking society is the culprit. Schools need to have the power to curtail this kind of behavior, and they need to actually do it. Parents need to make their kids take responsibility for the way they treat other people. I'm not for prayer in school, but I don't think there is anything wrong with the golden rule. Kids need to be taught that every person is valuable, and that every person is vulnerable. Maybe if they made a bigger deal out of stories like this one, and downplayed the school shootings, people would stop demonizing the kids who have been pushed over the edge. Not all of them have lost their respect for all life. Some of them, like Tempest Smith, have lost respect for their own.