watching: Bridge Jones' Diary. Yes, again. I can't help it if I love this movie.

feeling: tired, either because of the overnighter a few days ago or because I slept until noon today... or maybe it's both. also, relieved, only have one more final to do and all but two of my presents wrapped. one of said presents isn't finished yet but I've been making good progress on it, so I'm not worried. also hungry. I seem to have forgotten to eat so far today.

updated to do list:
write art history final
edit and improve art history paper... maybe
finish christmas presents
pack
load car
clean room because it is very very cluttered
sleep before leaving

all in all, things are decent, not too much work to do, and I leave for home in like 2 days. life is good.

when I need someone to talk to, everyone has gone to bed.

blessed be my Shakespeare professor for, upon realizing we would be unable to finish the movie, and saying that our latest papers were very good, he decided that our last assignment, the 5-page (five page!) movie response was unnecessary and that leaves me with one less source of stress. that said, here are some updates on my grades.

crit theory: I got an A on my presentation and a B+ (:() on my first paper... hopefully I'll nail this next paper, and at any rate I don't think an A is entirely out of reach, unless she takes my in-class silence out on my grade... *crosses fingers*

shakespeare: A- on the first paper, A on the second paper, and I was only absent twice... hopefully it'll be a solid A, since he said less than 3 absences could work to my benefit.

art history: A on the first midterm, A- on my knitting paper. I can fix a few things on the paper and resubmit it if I have time to hopefully push it up to an A. I also have the take home final due on Friday. Missed a lot of this class, but from what I've heard she doesn't take too much count of that. *crosses fingers*

human genetics: with my favorite professor here at HSU. 103, 108, and 105 on all exams so far, and 100 on my paper. not too worried, even if I fudge a bit on the final I should still be fine, but by all accounts that shouldn't happen. this is the one class I can count on.

Here's what I have left to do:

* human genetics final on monday (study tomorrow)
* crit theory paper (read tomorrow, take some notes, write paper monday and tuesday, paper due at 4:30 on tuesday)
* one last SI session
* touch up knitting paper a bit? (maybe, it depends on how I feel/how much time I've got)
* write art history final

Also, I got very good evals for my SI class and I get to do it again next semester =D yay! I got my tutor certification as well, and I'm looking forward to improving next year on SI, even though my students this well did spectacularly and apparently found me helpful. Bonus, my attendance was apparently very high for the class, which also bodes well for me. The glowing praise my advisor gave me really made me feel good and is helping me to get through these last few weeks.

In one week, I will be at home, watching tv or sleeping. Can't wait to knit with my sister and Patrick and my mom. Can't wait to see my Stevie. Can't wait to bake cookies and look at Christmas lights and stuff.

someone got here searching for "le sange est sur la branche" on yahoo. rock on.

* pelvic exam. I hate them with a passion, but fortunately, I so far only have to have one a year. that, however, is still far, far too often.

* my tire blew on the freeway. so I pulled over and, sitting less than 2 feet from the edge of the right hand lane, changed said tire. my friends cheered me on and said I'm empowered for being able to change my tire. for a minute I thought maybe being empowered was tiring and a bit of a pain in the ass. then I remembered that if I were not empowered, instead of changing the tire, I would have had to walk all the way to a pay phone, called AAA, waited two hours for someone and change the tire for me. that would have been even more teh suck, even though I ended up with a soaking wet ass (it had been raining and I was sitting on the ground), various car byproducts on my pants, and the problem of how and where to get a new tire and with what money. fortunately the mamma came through as usual and I'm getting it fixed today. woot.

* so, funny story... just as I was finished and putting the jack and crobar back in the trunk of my car, a cop finally pulled up. I started to approach him, on the street side rather than the shoulder and he freaked out and started ushering me to the shoulder. I had to laugh seeing as I'd been sitting with my ass virtually hanging out in traffic for the last 20 minutes, but I know he meant well. I told him the tire had gone and I had changed it and he said I obviously "don't need a man."

* Anthony was there and was very noble and tried hard to help even though I didn't really let him because I'm used to doing it by myself. He totally would have changed it if I'd let him, and that is totally why Anthony is teh cool. Hey Anthony... I know someone who rocks ;)

so today I'm going to get the tire changed for-permanently. hopefully I only need one, but I'm pretty sure they're going to tell me I need more than that, because that is how my luck is running these days. two weeks from today I will be waking up next to fuzzy and hanging out with my mom and sister. Anthony will have been woken up by his little brothers in the wee hours of the morning (8am), and Michelle will be pacing the floor, excitedly anticipating her upcoming flight home. 2 weeks 2 weeks 2 weeks.....

here's the revised list of what I have to do:
get new tire(s) installed (today)
write shakespeare paper (for wednesday)
study for human genetics final (for next monday)
write movie response for shakespeare (also for next monday)
write critical theory paper (for next wednesday)
write final for art history (for next friday)
(by "next" I mean the week following this one...)

* I have decided that the other half of my sisters Christmas present will be a new pair of circular needles and a really nice, soft yarn. My mom bought her tiny straight needles that feel, to me at least, like boat oars, and this scratchy blue yarn. My sister, as some of you are aware is not snobby, but she's very picky about the things she wears and touches, so of course the thing which will least encourage her to knit is scratchy yarn. I know she wants to knit because she actually bothered to go find her knitting things (my sister is 11... to her, looking for something constitutes standing in the door way and then saying she can't find it if it's not laying in plain sight less than 2 feet from her eyes.) She's sat fingering the stitches of Chris's blanket and exclaimed on more than one chilly evening, "see! if my scarf (the one I'm making her) were finished I could be wearing it right now!" Besides, it'll be a good me-n-her type thing. Woot.

* I just want to knit and sleep and watch tv with my boyfriend. But mostly knit, especially after the completion of my knitting paper and feeling so very empowered. I have decided to knit my first sweater very soon, and I've also decided it will come from the pages of Stitch 'n Bitch, the book that is my new bestest. friend. ever.

* I'm sort of wearing of being on a campus with a bunch of people who are younger than my oldest memories. I was developing consciousness of my existence before they were conceived. It's depressing and it makes me feel old. *sigh*

* I've reached the point in my education where everything is rendered ironic and self-defeating. Example: We can't examine literature from an objective standpoint because it is humanly impossible to get outside of the cultural system in which we exist. Furthermore, humans can't understand truth because everything we think or see is already interpretation. And if everything is interpretation, there is really no point in trying to actually know anything. Uhm.... okay, genius, then why am I here?

* There is a war brewing in my household over whether there is any harm over letting Franny in when she is supervised at all times and spends the entire time on the bed hanging out with Fuzzy. Why is it that my grandmother and uncle = assholes? I swear it's like they have weekly meetings to plot their strategy to make my life more stressful and miserable by acting against my boyfriend. I can't wait until we have our own place and I never have to actually go back there again, except to pick up Amie and/or the Mamma.

more later, time for Shakespeare (insert forced enthusiasm here.)

so, I guess it's time to post and let you all know that I'm not dead or anything. I dunno if this will make sense or be another stream-of-consciousness entry, or maybe both or neither or whatever.

* It's the same story of my life, right? I had to leave him again, turn around and walk away, knowing that we'd be hundreds of miles away again. It's only three weeks this time, but that doesn't even matter anymore, the point is that I feel incomplete without him around and it's horrible and no one around here really understands it. I know, at least on that level, what my future holds, I know where I'll be and who I will be with, and it just seems stupid to not be there with him right now. I feel stuck in an obsolete phase of my life, like I'm just treading water or something. It's not that I can't live without him, it's not like I'll become sexually frustrated from the distance, it's not like I need him to validate my existence or any of those codependent things that make the feminist in me cringe. It's just that things feel different when he's around. I have someone to talk to, that I can be completely vulnerable and myself with, and share things with. With him around, I know things will be ok. Even when things are bad, or one of us is upset or in a pissy mood (usually me), I still know we're solid, we'll be ok. I still know all of the now, but it's like the time I got back into Pittsburgh in the wee hours of the morning, took a cab back to an empty campus, passed through the empty halls of the dorm and up to my room with no roommate. When we're far apart it's like in one of those movies where everyone is just gone and there's just one character wandering around wondering what happened. It's a different universe, where we're the only two in existence, and without him it's awfully lonely here. I guess the days when people looked forward to a future and a family with just one person are obsolete nowadays, and maybe that's why I feel like such a mutant for wanting those things. I don't care though, I wouldn't give up that dream for anything.

* I have: 3 papers, 2 finals, and a play/video response due by the end of the next three weeks. In order of due date (some of these are approximations):
Knitting Paper for Art History (Dec. 5)
Shakespeare Paper (Dec. 10)
Crit Theory Paper (Dec. 16)
Response Paper for Shakespeare
Human Genetics Final
Art History Final (Dec. 19)

* I have to get my yearly physical exam... I wouldn't even bother except that I need a new prescription for my birth control so I don't bleed to death. I hate my body and I'm fairly certain that it also hates me.

* Working on my knitting paper just makes me want to go knit. This is not a good thing.

* Fuzzy has another interview tomorrow, so everyone think happy thoughts and send good vibes his way.

* I slept horribly last night. No fuzzy = disturbance in the force.

* My sister is doing really well with the Oboe, and she let me try it and I like it a lot.

* Did I mention this will be our first Christmas actually spent together? I remember how much I missed him last year, and how much I wished we could have spent it together, and this year it's actually going to happen. I love Christmas so much, and this will be perfect, even though we're both broke and I probably won't be done with his blanket yet. We can go look at Christmas lights with the mamma and Amie like I do every year.

* I got a new knitting book (Stitch & Bitch), and it's the coolest thing ever, with the cutest patterns. I really wanted to get the big Vogue Knitting book too, and the mamma gave me the money, but I couldn't justify getting it for this paper and I knew she couldn't really afford it, so I passed it up. Maybe for Christmas? It has so many different kinds of patterns and stitches....

* Everyone loved my black hat, and it's been dubbed the Russian Snow Princess Hat, and the mamma and my sister both want one. It's been very popular, maybe I should sell them on ebay? I can knit them up really fast, in a day if I sat down all day with it, and the yarn wasn't very expensive... plus it's really soft.... hmmmmm....

* "Le sange est sur la branche" has been replaced with "Gimme a f*ckin banana." We went from one monkey joke to another. Go fig.

* My neighbor said we could adopt Franny when we get our own place :) Woot woot. I picked up some cat treats for her, and now Fuzzy is complaining that she waltzes in and goes right where the treats are every time she comes into the room. It's not my fault, I just wanted to give her treats.

* didn't get to see as much of my friends as I wanted... Phug and Stdiva, sorry I'm such a sleepy head, but you know I'm turning ancient before my time. Jen, who won band jam? We stayed until just before awards, but it was a school night and I had to get Amie home. I looked all over for you with no luck, were you in the CalHi section or somewhere else? I kept hoping you'd spot my purple hair, but to no avail.

* 18 days until I leave for home. I will leave the 19th come hell or high water (and either is possible in lovely Humboldt County, California), but hopefully the finals gods will smile upon me and I'll be able to leave sooner. Cross your fingers, y'all.