stacy was here (and probably spinning....): 10/01/2001 - 11/01/2001
Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning
Monday, October 29, 2001
The Nekked Lady Stole My Stool!
Today marked the begining of figure drawing in my art class, so we all got to stand in a circle around a nekked lady while she posed and we scribbled furiously trying to keep up. If you've never done figure drawing in an art class, just allow me to say that it is an interesting experience. To me, nudity is no big deal. Like at all. What is a big deal is trying to draw ANYTHING in 15 seconds. Either my teacher is a mad woman, or I'm horribly inept, or maybe I'm learning and just haven't realized it yet. I did notice some improvement by the end of the class, and seeing as we'll be doing this for another 3 class sessions, hopefully I'll be a genius by the end of next week =Þ Oh yeah, and my feet hurt really bad by the end of class because I was standing for two and a half hours... I had a stool, but the naked lady took it :(
I've been working on my site off and on. I've amassed some new web-diva skills, but I haven't had a whole lot of time on my hands to put them into practice. I've also got some better examples of my art work... haven't had time to put them up on the site yet, but I posted them on this album thingy through bravenet: here
Things are shaping up well for my Samhain celebration. So far, if everyone shows up, we should have about 11 people there, which is huge for me. I've never had this big of a turnout. Even if only half that many people show up I'll be excited. I'm such a geek, though... I even made programs with the whole ritual typed out so that everyone knows what to say and when to say it.
Well, homework calls, and I've procrastinated for far too long anyway...
First a warning. To those of you who casually peruse my journal to get filled in on my latest, I urge you to remember that whatever you think of what I have to post here, this is my life that I'm writing about. I use this space to vent my feelings, to express myself, to occasionally be silly, and to keep people informed of my latest happenings. I understand that I run the risk of becoming online entertainment, and I think that sometimes thats an odd comfort to me even, but when you read this, you run the risk of being offended by the way I see something, or pissed at how I portray something. These posts are by no means objective. They've got my attitude and my point of view dripping from every word, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I can't just not write about something because it might piss someone off, whether that someone is one of my friends, or whether that someone is just another internet user who stumbled in here haplessly and happened to find me interesting for 5 fleeting moments. If you can't deal with that, then leave. Period.
Sometimes I just wonder what the hell it is that I'm really doing here. For the most part my school is the ideal environement for me and I get along with just about everyone. But every once in a while, maybe once a year something happens and someone really pisses me off and makes me wonder why in the hell I even bother with people. Sometimes I really feel like I'm dealing with people who haven't matured at all since junior high. "Hi, I'm Stacy, and I'm a 14th grader at Chatham Middle School." Some of my friends here are absolutely great, and I'm sure that I'll spend the next 40 years of my life trying desperately to stay in contact with those friends. And there are some people here that I can't wait to get away from. Right now one of those people is trying desperately to make my life hell, and as much as she is failing I'm wondering how exactly I came to be in this environment with people like her. See, before I left for school I was convinced that Whittier, CA was the last place I wanted to be, and that some of my friends were just two damn immature for me. But this girl makes them seem like brain surgeons by comparison. I'd rather chase a pissy OTB through Disneyland for 12 hours while listening to Sings with her Spirit blather on endlessly about a guy and have my ears bleed from Hector's religious banter all at the same time than deal with this girl for another second. Even at their very worst, none of my friends at home have EVER resorted to the same depths of pettiness. At the moment, despite all the wonderful friends I have here, I can't help but wish I was home with my friends there. This stupid bullshit is so fucking draining for me. Babysitting 3 children for 2 days was less stressful. I'm planing to do all I can to extricate myself from this entire situation even though I think it's incredibly unfair that I have to do so. I have enough shit to deal with without someone elses stupid bullshit. The funniest thing is that this person wants to be a supreme court judge. I'll go on record right now to say that if that EVER happens I will be promptly renouncing my US citizenship and moving to whatever country will have me.
And the thing that really pisses me off is that she's trying to pull all the rest of my friends into her moronic tyrade. The way I see it is this. My true friends will remain my true friends no matter what she says, even if she curses me til she's blue in the face. I don't need to defend myself to them because they know me, they know how I think, and they know whats true and whats bullshit when other people talk about me. I don't give a flying fuck if they continue to be friends with her or not. That is their decision, and no matter what they will remain my friends because she is totally insignificant to me. In the movie of my life, she is "college girl #4." She doesn't even have theme music. The "friends" of mine that would stop talking to me because of her, if there are any, can go fuck themselves too for all I care. Real friends don't buy in to other peoples bullshit. And real friends don't jump into the middle of things because its immature and unnecessary. Period.
And now I'm done venting. Life is too short for me to spend any more energy thinking about unimportant, vindictive people.
Ok, so I've been MIA for a while... sue me. I've been busy, like by a lot.
I went to Fallingwater (that frank lloyd wright house in PA.) It was cool, but the place is currently swarming with lady bugs, and it's in the backwoods of pa. My friend Belly Button offered a dollar to the first person to spot a black person. The other thing is, all the bathrooms are at the very front of the property. Now, is it just me, or should a place called "fallingwater" have bathrooms throughout? The sound of water falling makes people have to piss like racehorses. (have you ever seen a racehorse piss? they piss for like 3 hours.)
Things at school are going well. Oooooooh, and Mitch Ellykins is gonna come visit me over the summer :) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Last night was really cool. We had another CSK meeting, and we met another new person, only this time she was really cool. Things went really well throughout the meeting, except that PJ was in a pissy mood and was bringing a lot of negative energy into the room, which sort of irritates me. Everyone else who went was great, and I think we got a lot accomplished.
Later that night I watched Hannibal with a couple of friends. Let me just say that I adore Anthony Hopkins. The movie was great, and fortunately I was watching the movie with other people who have as fucked up senses of humor as me. We were sitting there laughing as we watched Ray Liota eat his own brain. I really enjoy both the movies (Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal.)
*sigh* I'd like to think I'm mature enough to just give up on this, but alas, I'm not. Sings with her Spirit continues to demonstrate the fact that she doesn't get it. She's pissed at me because I warned her that Rich is a jerk. Well, guess who gave me the idea he's a jerk? That's right. She did. She told me about all the stupid and unfeeling shit he's done, and now she's pissed that I don't like him? And it's all because of things she has repeatedly told me. AND she's the one who told me to remind her of this if she ever tried to get with him again. So I did, and now she's pissed at me for doing what SHE asked me to do, reminding me of things that SHE said in the first place. Eh? How the hell does this work? And naturally, instead of being rational about ANYTHING, because being rational is beyond her, evidently, she'd rather put words in my mouth and make assumptions about how I feel. Well? I'm done. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being berated for things that I did not say, and I'm sick of her jumping to conclusions without any sort of facts. AND I'm sick of having old problems thrown in my face every time she gets pissed. No more. This is the last time I'll post about this. Period.
Yeah. Yesterday was the ultimate roller coaster ride.
I met with the volunteer coordinator at my school about a project I am hoping to start. Well, I don't know if it was my selling it, or whether it's just an inherantly good idea, but she's now as excited about it as I am, and throwing her collective resources into the mix. I don't want to jinx it by throwing the idea out too wide too early, but we're going to get the social word dept, the psych dept, and the tech services dept into this, and she's going to have a chat with our dean of student affairs to see what sort of backing the school can give us. This is so exciting!!! Meanwhile, I registered the domain name for it, but there's nothing up there yet, so I'm gonna wait to post the link. What I love most about this is that the bigger I talk about this, and the more of my dreamer side peeks out, the more excited she gets about it. For the first time in my life someones not telling me to start small. If all goes well, we're going BIG with this, and I can't wait! BTW, if any web people out there want to get involved, drop me a line and I'll send you more info.
After that things slid downhill a bit. I think mostly it was that I was so busy, but my class that night seemed to drag on forever, and by the time it was over I was ready to curl up and go to sleep. It was Dr. Adams class, though, so I know it was just me. I did a lot of running around all day, so it was hard for me to sit still when I was already tired.
Then I get back to my room, write a quick group sonnet for my Major Brit class, and got into a fight with Sings with her Spirit. She's been dating this guy off and on (mostly off) for over a year now. Every time they get together she gets all giddy and won't listen to anything anyone says about the situation. Every time they break up she comes whining to me about what a jerk he is, even though I'm always the one telling her at the outset not to get back with him. So this time I said no when she told me she's trying to get back together with him again. I don't want to hear about him anymore. I'm sick of giving her advice which she then ignores, only to have her whine at me later. Well, in her usual fashion, she put words into my mouth that I didn't say, and took all of it completely the wrong way. I'm not surprised, really, she does it a lot. And evidently she can't be friends with me without talking about him, so for the moment we're not talking, because I refuse to hear it. The funny thing is, the last time they broke up (just before I went back to school--I remember her showing me the emails a few days before I went back) she told me that if she ever tried to get back with him again, to remind her of it. Well, I reminded her, but fat lot of good it did, so I'm done with the situation. If she's not going to listen to me, then I don't want to be involved in the situation AT ALL. Oh well.
You know, occasionally I feel completely inept at topics of pop-culture. I've been thinking a lot lately about areas of specialty, or focus of knowledge. I think that my problem, if it can be considered a problem, is that I want to know about too many things, so I never quite get to the level of expert in more than a few areas. I have friends who can sit and discuss mythology for hours, or friends who can hear a line and tell you the movie, the actor, the year, the director, and the genre of film. And when they do this, I feel horribly ignorant. I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way... is it bad to want to know everything?
I got back into class today, and things are mostly normal. The glasses I bought are only good for reading -- if I wear them any other time, I start to get dizzy, so in class I have to wear them low enough so that I can look over them. I feel so old, like one of those stereotypical secretaries whining "next!" Hopefully I can get my eyes checked soon so I can avoid being like this much longer.
I had an abreviated chat with Dr. Adam today. I was summarizing my financial difficulties and the fact that I'll now be able to stay the whole year, and he said of my loans that one day I'll be a rich lawyer and laugh back on it all. I told him that I'm going to be an "impoverished College Professor," and he said that someone once described college professors as "genteel poverty." I like that phrase. You can't really be "lower class" if you have that much of an education. No matter how destitute you are monitarily, you still fit in to the more elevated circles by virtue of your knowledge, at least the way I see it. At any rate, it was an interesting conversation, as conversations with Dr. Adam always are.
I was also noticing that my school seems to have more than it's fair share of brilliant english faculty. All of the English professors that I've had here have been wonderful, some are even downright entertaining. I think part of the reason that I'd be so devistated if I couldn't afford to stay here is that I am receiving such a great education here. Even in their off days, my professors never fail to inspire me in some way. And that is something that I don't think you can get at a huge university.