stacy was here (and probably spinning....): 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003
Stacy Was Here :
Back at the Beginning
Saturday, December 28, 2002
so yeah, things went well with the visit. it was really great to see my brothers, and even my dad. I wasn't sure what it would be like to see him all this time, but it was actually nice. I felt comfortable around him like I didn't used to, which is a good thing. I think I'm at a point now where I can make him a part of my life again. Maybe when I was younger I was more needy and more sensitive, and so it hurt me more when he didn't show up for things or what have you. I'm more confident with my life now, and maybe it's time I learn to accept him as the father he is...
my brothers are doing good, and they seemed as glad to see me as I was to see them. I'm having them over for a few days this coming week, and I'm really excited about it :) It'll be nice to hang out with them and get to know them better, show them around my stomping ground, let Amie meet them and all that stuff. I'm hoping they can go to Disneyland with us on the fourth, so if you work there or know someone who does who can sign us in, that would be great... everyone else has passes, just not me or the three of them.
well, I haven't done one of these for a while, so what the hell...
-- Name: Stacy
-- Birth date: 11/10/1979
-- Birthplace: La Mirada, CA
-- Current Location: Whittier, CA
-- Eye Color: blue/green
-- Hair Color: red
-- Righty or Lefty: right
-- Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
-- Innie or Outtie: innie
-- Your heritage: Irish, Russian, Native American, Jewish
-- The shoes you wore today: fuzzy black slippers
-- Your hair: tied back in a foofy thing... at the back of my neck
-- Your weakness: heehee... not telling
-- Your fears: failure, being alone, death
-- Your perfect pizza: cheese
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: PhD in English Lit
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: lol... prolly "iono"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: "why isn't he here?"
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: eyes
-- Your best physical feature: prolly my hair, I guess... it's what everyone notices
-- Your bedtime: usually around midnight
-- Your greatest accomplishment: doing well in college, being close to my sister
-- Your most missed memory: Thanksgiving 2002
-- Pepsi or coke: pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: lol... Micky D's
-- Single or group dates: single
-- Adidas or Nike: Doc Martens
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino
-- Boxers or briefs: boxers
-- Smoke: nope
-- Cuss: mostly on the freeway
-- Sing well: sometimes
-- Take a shower everyday: usually
-- Have a crush(s): just one
-- Who are they: the boyfriend creature ;)
-- Do you think you've been in love: yes
-- Want to go to college: I am
-- Like high school: bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha *breathes* hahahahahahahahahahaha
-- Want to get married: yes, one of these days
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yup
-- Believe in yourself: certain things, yes... certain times, no
-- Get motion sickness: yes
-- Think you're a health freak: nope
-- Get along with your parents: mom, yes... dad... well, we'll see
-- Like thunderstorms: *purrrrrrrrrrrr*
-- Play an instrument: sax, flute, clarinet, a lil piano, bass
in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: yeah
-- Smoke(d): nope
-- Done a drug: only antibiotics, and I dun think those count
-- Have Sex: what's todays date?
-- Made Out: see above
-- Go on a date: ;)
-- Go to the mall?: unfortunately
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: nope
-- Eaten sushi: ewww, no
-- Been on stage: not in the last month, no
-- Been dumped: nope
-- Gone skating: nope
-- Made homemade cookies: well, technically I didn't make the dough, but I did bake the cookies
-- Gone skinny dipping: nope
-- Dyed your hair: nope
-- Stolen anything: nope
have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing? yeah
-- If so, was it mixed company: yeah
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: define extremely -- Been caught "doing something": not caught, maybe heard, but not caught...
-- Been called a tease: yeah
-- Gotten beaten up: nope
-- Changed who you were to fit in: nope
-- Age you hope to be married: I dunno... 26? 27? whenever...
-- Numbers and Names of Children: oh who knows... 1 or 2 I'd guess... names are hotly contested
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: LoL... I'm probably the only girl in the world who doesn't have every detail planned out... as long as I'm in love it'll be perfect.
-- How do you want to die: in my sleep or very very quickly
-- Where you want to go to college: I want to be done with college
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: a lit professor
-- What country would you most like to visit: I'd like to go to Ireland again, and Scotland, and I definitely would like to see Prague...
-- Best eye color?: doesn't matter, as long as they're pretty
-- Best hair color?: brown/black
-- Short or long hair?: short, I guess
-- Best height: iono, taller than me
-- Best weight: iono, doesn't matter
-- Best articles of clothing: the ones crumpled up on the floor ;)
-- Best first date location: anywhere... s'long as you can talk
-- Best first kiss location: anywhere under the moon
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: like kissed how?
-- Number of boys I have kissed: nine
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: none
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: seven, I'd like to think
-- Number of CDs that I own: a whole *#^& load
-- Number of piercings: just mah ears
-- What are they: see above
-- Number of tattoos: none, yet
-- What are they: see above
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: iono, a few
-- Number of scars on my body: I'm clumsy, and I'm not counting... 4 off the top of my head
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: I don't regret many things... life is life... I've learned from everything... though I'm not sure about changing schools... ask me after another semester.
well, I got through to my dad, and it looks like I'll be going over there tomorrow to visit. I'm not sure how I feel about this... he sounded really excited on the phone, but I wonder if he's so excited to see me then why hasn't he tried to call me or anything since the last time I went over there? it's been almost five years now since the last time I was over there. I know he's probably never going to be the dad I've wanted him to be, but what I don't know is how much I'm willing to compromise to make him part of my life. maybe it sounds selfish, but he's hurt me so much so many times. to be honest, I probably wouldn't be going to visit if I didn't really really want to see my brothers. I'm just worried that they'll hate me for not seeing them for so long. I think Joey might understand the easiest, because he's the oldest (17), but on the other hand he knew me better than the other two because he was older, so it's hard to say. he might feel more hurt or rejected than the other two. the youngest one is the same age as my sister, so he might not even remember me that much. I feel like an ass for not seeing them more, because maybe it makes me as bad as my father, but it's so hard for me to be around him, I just hope they can understand that the main reason I've kept my life so separate was because I don't feel like I can trust him. and in some ways I feel like I have to make peace with this whole situation so that I can get on with my life and not let it weigh on me so much as it always has, but it's really hard because the whole thing wounds me down to my bones. so yeah, I'm a little messed up on this, we'll see what happens.
so Christmas went well. turns out my uncle used to be really good at archery, and since I wanted a bow and he doesn't use his old one, him and my mom gave it to me. it's in beautiful shape, perfect size and weight and all that, so woot woot indeed. my sister got me a huge thing of stuff from Bath and Body Works, sweet pea *purrrrrrrrrr* and I'm currently wearing my new fuzzy slippers, so good Christmas tally. things here are going okay except that I've been feeling really tired all the time. I think the antibiotics are making me feel run down, but there's not too many left so that should end soon I hope.
family and friends are doing well, from everything I've heard. haven't seen everyone yet though, so we'll see. I found out today that my little brother is going into the marines soon, so I'm gonna try and see him before I go back to school in January. it means I have to break down and see my dad, which doesn't appeal to me, but hopefully I'll get a chance to have an actual relationship with my brothers if nothing else. wish me luck.
so, settling in at home now, not too much to report really... I've mostly just been hanging out with friends and trying to find as much time to talk to the boyfriend creature as possible, which is difficult since there's a three hour time difference and I actually have a social life here. there should be more hours in the day, honestly...
been spending the last few days trying to divine what my christmas presents are, with no luck... my sister let me in on one of them, bless her heart... and I think my moms going to get me a bow, because I was in my uncles room to find a phone, and noticed there were arrows in there, and I can't think of one damned reason he would have arrows in his room if they're not related to my archery pursuits... but I guess we'll see. there's one present I am uber-curious about, and the infuriating thing is that 3 people I am close to know what it is, and no one will give me one damned clue, and it's driving me absolutely bonkers... ARGH!!!!!!!!
so I don't know what came over me but I've volunteered to look after 5 kids, including my little sister, so my mom and her friends at the dance studio can get out for some freedom time. they're all good kids, I'm sure of that, but still... am I insane?!?!?! what's come over me? I think the antibiotics are going to my head...
well, it's getting late and I'm uber-tired, so I'm going to go curl up in that bed, which is entirely too effing big for one person, and shiver for a half hour until I warm up enough to go to sleep.
oh, and I've taken up crocheting... it helps relieve tension.
Okay, so me Michellykins made it home alright, but lemme say it was an interesting trip.
Wednesday was excellent... finished my last paper, went to the doctor, got medicated, sold my books back to the tune of $91, got my Western Civ exam back (I set the curve), got my grade for that class (A), loaded up the car and we were out before 2 in the afternoon. We made it down to Mikeys by about six, hung out for a while, and slept. Left again at ten am.
Y'all know that storm? The big one on the West Coast thats been all over the news? Well, we played cat and mouse with it all the way home. We left Mikeys and got on the freeway in Berkeley about thirty seconds before the torrential downpour began. Could barely see for the first few hours while we went through the cities, and it settled down a bit once we hit the open road.
We opted to take the 101 all the way down because I heard there was a chance of snow on the 5, and it's lucky we did because it DID snow on the 5, and the DID close it for over five hours over the grapevine due to snow. We had no snow on the 101, so we made decent time, considering we hit traffic in EVERY EFFING CITY. Finally made it home after 8, ten hours after leaving. Hung out with Steevie for a while, then crashed...
And now... IM HOME!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
it's been raining her for about four days now, the most rain I've seen since I left Pittsburgh. and it's not even California rain, really, at least not the kind I've seen before. last night it got so heavy that I looked out my window and saw a solid wall of water. there are all sorts of flood and high-wind advisories covering the next few weeks, and according to the forecast, this is going to continue until at least Christmas Eve... probably longer.
it's eerie sometimes, how there seems to be a direct relationship between the weather and my moods. maybe it's the whimsy in my imagination, but I've never really been sure whether the weather affects my moods or whether my moods affect the weather... maybe it's silly... but sometimes I'll be at the beach and the tide comes in just as I'm rolling up the bottom of my jeans as if to greet me.
lately I've come to a state of acceptance about the way things are. I'm lonely here, and I'm going to be lonely here for the next year and a half. I have passing thoughts of going back to Chatham or transfering to another Cal State closer to home, but I don't know that either of those are real options. Chatham would have to offer me a lot more financial aid than they did before for it to even be possible for me to go back, and even then I'm not sure I would. Granted Chatham had an excellent English dept, I'm still not sure I would be as well prepared for grad school as if I stay here. I'm being stretched academically here in a way that I wasn't at Chatham, and I'm being pushed to be more independant. If I transfered to another Cal State, closer to home, I would save a lot of money on housing costs, but I don't know if I can tolerate living at home full time, and I think I might be too distracted. Besides, there are reasons that I left, and I suspect that those reasons are still present. As liberating it is to be in a comfortable area, the threat of stagnation is ever present. I always feel my self settling into a mold that doesn't fit quite right, and into an apathy that doesn't push me to change anything. As lonely as I am, being here, and as remote and confining as this place can be, I am still growing, still progressing in a way I don't think I would at Chatham or here. And no matter what, I need that growth and that progress. It's just a bit daunting, somehow, when you're staring it in the face. I'm becoming what I've always known I could be, and I'm filled with unparalleled curiousity for it.
it's not that I want it all to happen now... it's that I want to fast-forward to the moment when it's all happening...
I'm standing face to face with one of my World-Famous Liminal Moments(tm). And there's nothing quite as daunting as facing the unknown within yourself. Especially now, with a stronger foundation than ever before, I feel the potential in me to become like never before. The feeling of freedom is intense, and nothing could be more freeing than the feeling of continuity and belonging I've found of late, with a little assistance. I wish I could do more than ask "Are we there yet?"
Come into these arms again
And lay your body down
The rhythm of this trembling heart
Is beating like a drum
It beats for you
It bleeds for you
It knows not how it sounds
For it is the drum of drums
It is the song of songs
Once I had the rarest rose
That ever deigned to bloom
Cruel winter chilled the bud
And stole my flower too soon
Oh loneliness, Oh hopelessness
To search the ends of time
For there is in all the world
No greater love than mine
Love oh love oh love oh love...
Still falls the rain
Love oh love oh love oh love...
Still falls the night
Love oh love oh love oh love...
Be mine forever
Love oh love oh love oh love...
Let me be the only one
To keep you from the cold
Now the floor of heaven's laid
With stars of brightest gold
They shine for you, they shine for you
They burn for all to see
Come into these arms again
And set this spirit free
sorry, haven't filled my goober quota in a while ;)
and now, because I go home in like 5 days and I am experiencing an extreme and troubling lack of motivation today, here is a list of things that I am looking forward to at home:
1. Hanging out with my friends... Steevie, and Patrick, and Jason, and Jen, and and Michelle, and maybe even Owen, and hopefully Chelsea, and and and... yeah :)
2. Leaving my place of residence more than once a week, which I haven't done at school for fear of not getting a parking space. That, and where would I go?
3. Seeing my sister... have I mentioned how much I severiously miss my sister? Cuz yeah, it's a lot... Can'twaitcan'twaitcan'twait!
4. Seeing my mom... I mean seriously, I miss my mom a lot. And I didn't get to see her much when I was home for Thanksgiving since she was working most of the time I was home, and hopefully I'll get to see her more this time.
5. Just being on familiar stomping ground, where I know every street and freeway, and how to get to a million cool places, or just drive for hours with my Diva talking about life and stuff.
6. It's gonna be Christmas! Holy shit, have I ever expressed how much I love Christmas? I love the lights and the trees and the ornaments and the music and just all of it. Granted this year will be marked by the absence of a certain someone... but at least I've got the mamma and the sister...
7. The month off will go very fast... and at the end of it March will be that much closer. Like by a lot.
8. Sleep... I'll get to sleep and won't have to worry about classes or papers or Joseph stinking Conrad, or anything like that. Which is good, because when I get back I'll be in way more classes and have way more stuff to keep track of.
9. Hugs, lots of hugs, from all the people named above... Sister hugs and friend hugs and mamma hugs and more friend hugs and then more sister hugs. Wheeeeeee!
1> There's a guy out in the parking lot. He's screaming. Oh, and singing, did I mention singing? And me with nothing to throw... Fucker.
2> Pelvic exams suck. Like by a lot. For instance, just because a surgical thingy is warm to the touch does not mean it is warm to the touch... Oh yeah, and sensations that are even remotely like being impaled on an umbrella which is subsequently opened? Not fun... The whole experiences was vaguely... violating, somehow... She didn't even want to cuddle after... *sigh*
3> Met with the prof of the Conrad paper fame. Said there's almost nothing I can do to not get an A in the class. Woot.
4> Asshole still yelling in parking lot. Wondering how well arrows will fly without bow to propel them. Could throw really, really hard... hmmmmm...
5> Oh and my body? That lying ass bitch? Started rebelling tonight instead of the previously agreed upon date of next Wednesday. Fucker.
6> Penelope Ann. Penny for short.
7> Have I mentioned what a goober you are? Because you are. And I like it. By a lot even.
8> There was one good thing about today. If my dr here on campus is correct, the school should start carrying my birth control in January. Meaning I'll be able to get it for about $4. Which, if my calculations are correct, is about 1/10th the price it is now. woot.
9> Ugh. I think my body is about to self destruct. Speeeewwww...
10> And now, another haiku: devil duck key chain sitting next to taz weeple and tiny apple
1. Looking for a party on a Thursday night while everyone else is studying for finals? Head on over to my room, where my fucking downstairs neighbors take pride in being able to shake my fucking floor and rattle my fucking concentration the day before my last big test. fuckers.
2. I still don't want to go tomorrow. dammit.
3. I need suggestions for suitable names for a bearded dragon. Because dammit, they're cute.
4. Have I mentioned that I have absolutely no desire to go tomorrow? Because I don't.
5. So my sister is learning to use email and yahoo messanger. Woot.
6. I'm sorry I'm a bum sometimes. But you love me anyway, goddammit. And no evangelist. No no no no no.
7. I'm so glad you called me today. We should not ever be asshats like that again, okay? Cuz like, seriously, where would all the inside jokes go?
8. And yes, it is cute, isn't it? You know what they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...
9. I managed to read a paper thats approximately 20 minutes long in 15 minutes.
10. I noticed about half way through that I wasn't actually breathing. or moving. It was quite an interesting sensation, I assure you.
11. And now, a haiku, for the initiated: Stop looking at me. Don't be looking at me. Cut it out. Knock it off.
time elapsed: 15.5 hours
approximate time actually worked on paper: 4 hours
paper due in: 1 hour
status of paper: finished, at least finished enough for the presentation requirements
length requested by professor: 6-8 pages
actual length of paper: 6.3 pages
overall feeling on paper: good
panic meter: confident
time elapsed: 3.5 hours
approximate time paper actually started: 11:30pm
approximate time actually worked on paper: 1.5 hours
paper due in: 13.5 hours
actual pages written: 2.5 single spaced, 5 double spaced
length requested by professor: 6-8 pages
current capacity for coherant thought: marginal... was high but has since subsided
other things accomplished in elapsed time: shower, goobery activities that shall go unmentioned
current plan: go to sleep, get up (relatively early), get paper into good enough order to constitute "solid rough draft" for in class presentation
rate overall productivity demonstrated this evening: 6
panic meter reading: confident apathy
paper due in: 17 hours
actual pages written: 0 pages
notes taken: far too many
current capacity for coherant thought: none
hours of sleep within last 24 hours: 4 hours
rounds of minesweeper played within last 24 hours: approximately 378
current preoccupation: lamentable hit love songs
rate productivity on a scale of 1-10: 1
panic meter reading: apathy
re: said sleeping apparatus
thank you for the warning, but I have one small request. since said sleeping apparatus will be large, and significantly lacking in both warmth and the presense of one boyfriend, I ask that you do your worst on me so I can spend as much of the time in it a babbling incoherant mess, and not aching in a gigantic, cold, empty sleeping apparatus. I would choose another sleeping apparatus, since there are three known available apparatus' within my familial dwelling, but I fear the gravitational pull of the memories associated with said apparatus will be too much for my now-fragile will to resist.
this is just a friendly note to remind you that you have until Wednesday to make it home and into a suitable sleep support device, because once your finals are over, I plan to mutiny in the most brutal possible way. just thought it would be best if I gave you the heads up,
so since I should be doing something else, of *course* I'm going to post in my blog instead...
actually, truth be told, I've been pretty damned industrious lately.... I've re-read Heart of Darkness, made multiple pages of notes on the same, read through the transcript of Apocalypse Now! and made notes, studied Western Civ, begun to compile stuff for my Anthro presentation, and spared approximately seven seconds to think about the paper I have to write on The Awakening. (or is it 9 seconds now?)
I think I have inadvertantly started to earn the title of kiss-ass in my practical crit, purely intentionally of course. see, I do this... thing..., you know, where I get really, really excited about a text, or a paper I have to write on said text... like I get really into it, and just start to bubble over with what I can only refer to (with a sense of nausea, I might add) as extreme academic bliss It hasn't happened that many times, but it's really the key reason I'm an English major, and the key reason I want to teach Lit at the college level... because I just find it so effing thrilling to really rip a piece of literature apart and make it say something... to be quite honest, Heart of Darkness is quite possibly one of the least enjoyable texts I've read... I mean, objectively speaking, it's a good book, and I've obviously become engaged in it, and it's a good one to teach because it's so damned ambiguous that you can almost guarantee that no two people will ever read it the same way. It demands a reaction of some sort, really... but in planning for this paper, and listening to everyones ideas and their papers, and reading critical essays and basically knowing the effing thing inside and out, and now re-reading it with a purpose, I've become filled with nerdish glee... today in class when I was responding to the papers, I kept giving everyone quotes from the text I knew would help their papers... I was building their arguments for them... my professor even thanked me after class for asking insightful, helpful questions... it kind of surprised me because isn't that what we're supposed to be doing? but I don't know, it kind of makes me wonder, you know? like there are a few people in my classes who want to be college professors, and if I'm an oddity, if other people don't get as excited and involved in it as I do, then why are they in this discipline? I mean, there are tons of majors I could have chosen and prospered at... psychology, history, anthro, art... but this is where my passion lies, and it just doesn't make sense to me why someone would spend so much time and money studying something if it wasn't something they could get passionate about... hmmm... strange indeed...
not doing so good in the health department at the moment... my neck has been stiff and I went to rub it a bit this evening and noted that the parts that should be squishy are not squishy and that to the touch it resembled not so much flesh as granite... probably not a good thing... the range of motion of my head is greatly reduced from it's normal state, and if I turn my head the wrong way I get a wee bit dizzy and a wee bit nauseus... in fact, I've been having fleeting bouts of nausea (which I suppose are better than non-fleeting bouts of nasea, but still)... and in general I just feel tight and sore all over. of course, now that I think about it, I read the flyer that they gave me when I got the MMR vaccine, and it said that 1 in 4 adult women suffers from soreness of the joints and muscles as a result of the vaccine, and that it usually shows up 7-10 days after the vaccine is administered, so that could be it, even though it's now approaching 10 days. I also think it could just be general stress and fatigue, brought on by lack of sleep, stressful correspondences, and of course, finals. whatever the case I hope I can hold out against illness until at least Wednesday, by which time I should hopefully be home and able to collapse in an incoherant heap and sleep for a few weeks.
by the way... I dislike it when I find things out about my friends from other friends... especially when the latter are instructed by the former not to tell me because I'll "get mad." especially when said things jeopardize the health of the former, not to mention the goals and morals of the former. I dislike it because it disappoints me, and makes me wonder if the friend I had still exist, and if so, if I'll ever see them again. as you were.
Thursday: My conference paper, or at least a really solid-if-early version, is due today, to be read in front of the class for feedback. Compiling notes so far, it's shaping up nicely.
Friday: Last exam in Western Civ. Not actually a final as it's the same as every other exam, and not cumulative. Have started studying for this. also have a physical exam on Friday... *shiver* not looking forward to that... can't I just take the western civ exam twice? Tuesday: Final version of conference paper due by 3:00pm. Anthro presentations at 5:00pm. Hopefully I will also have my paper on The Awakening done by then so I can leave to go home after my presentation. If not...
Wednesday: Paper on The Awakening due.
heehee... so I'm playing Oprah for a minute, sue me...
so if you need a gift for someone (okay, a girl), and you can find it, I soooo recommend LifeTree green apple body wash... it smells absolutely divine... not too sweet, not too sour, not too synthetic... it's just purrrrrrrfect. and it makes your skin so soft you don't need lotion.... and this is from a professed lotion addict, for goodness sakes...
mmmmmmm... stacy sooooffffttt... *purrrrrrrrrrrr*
we now return you to your normally scheduled procrastinating...
** why is it that when I have a lot of homework-type-stuff to do I get into a letter writing mood? four letters to send out tomorrow... four... the only reason that number isn't higher is because I don't have more people to write to *sigh*
** my accomplishment of the evening was figuring out how to make my favorite fountain pens work again. see, I recently bought one with complete cleaning instructions, and wha-bam! my old ones now work again, and I am uber-excited about this seeing as my favorite is one I got at the newly rebuilt globe theater in London when I was 16. go me! of course, this has only intensified the letter writing kick. *sigh*
** which brings me to my next solicitation... anyone out there like getting mail/writing letters? I realize I should be doing homework, but I'll be procrastinating anyway, and at least with more people to write to I wont keep pestering the same 5 people over and over and over again... plus I like actually getting mail back sometimes, and the only people who actually write back are my friend Michelle from way back, and my friend Steevie, also from way back.
** looks like I'll be leaving for home somewhere around the 17th, provided I get my Intro to English Major paper done a day early, which is entirely doable as long as I actually do it ahead of time. it's not like me to do things ahead of time, but if it means me leaving for home even one day earlier I'm all for it. especially since I'll prolly stop at Mikey's on the way down to catch a midnight showing of the Two Towers. do I hear a woot in the audience? I believe I do.
** one cool thing about finals this semester. studying for my history exam includes studying about the Vietnam War, which falls under the heading of impeccable timing, seeing as I'm also writing a paper that includes Apocalypse Now. Yay for stuff bein all interdisciplinary and stuff. Yay for serindipitous scheduling of studying and stuff.
** a Heart of Darkness... that book that is the bane of the English Majors existence... the thing about this book? once you've read it once, read entirely too many critical essays on it, discussed it to death in the classroom with a bunch of other people who also hate it, and bitched about it over and over on the way out of said classroom, reading it the second time becomes a surprisingly easy and maybe even pleasurable task. especially when you've already formulated a vague thesis for a paper and are finding more and more textual evidence to support said thesis. especially since you don't really have time to change said thesis, which was thought up at 2:30 in the morning before the abstract was due, even though you didn't know for sure if the support would be there.
** and since I'm apparently in such a good mood, yay for happy yellow active pills and the end of my monthly torment, which was surprisingly not as bad as it has been in previous months. and yay for excedrine... mmmmmmm.... excedrine.....
** I was thinking about it, and you know, it's crazy to think of how much I've gone through and how much I've changed in the past year. here it is almost January again... this time last year I was still at Chatham, hadn't yet gone to London for the second time... hadn't yet realized the full extent of my health ordeal... and now I'm here, 2500 miles away, back on the east coast... my health is back on track... I'm doing well in school even though I'm not exactly happy here... I'm in a relationship with someone that makes me very happy... closer to home even if it takes me longer to get there... all in all I think I've made a lot of progress
** I am intensely excited about going home... I cannot wait to hug my sister and my mom, to hang out with my friends and drive around like the crazies we are, and sit at norms drinking horrible coffee into the wee hours of the morning, and just being together and talking about life and stuff. cannot wait cannot wait cannot wait....
** so two responses so far for my anthro project, but I desperately need more so if you have done it yet, please please please do it for me? if you don't want to post in the comments you can use my little contact form, the link is at the right, right under the "about me" link. the questions are posted two entries down, or if you're too lazy to scroll down a few centimeters, click here. thanks to those who responded already, I appreciate it immensely.
So for one of my finals, I'd like to enlist the help of the people who read this site. See, I'm in a group for my Anthro class, and we have to make a presentation, and my group has chosen to do our presentation on "Schemas of Love"... Cheesy, I know, so to at least make this interesting, or at the very least light-hearted, I'm doing my section of the project on love songs... part of what I want to discuss is the difference between the ideal set up by love songs and the reality of love/actual relationships, so I'm asking you to please post in the comments and answer these questions (anonymously is fine.)
1) What is your favorite love song? Why is it your favorite?
2) In general, do you feel that love songs accurately represent relationships? How do you feel they are accurate or inaccurate?
3) Aside from preference, if you had to pick one love song that most accurately represented love and relationships, what song would it be?
4) In general, do you like love songs? If so, why, and if not, why not?
Thanks in advance, and I may post specific lyrics with more questions later.
interesting... so some guy, said his name is Jim, just called and wanted to know who I am because my phone number showed up on his phone bill? I just told him he was calling a dorm room at Humboldt State... Now I'm wondering who the hell he is, and who called me from his phone number? Odd...
so, yeah... last night someone was taken out of one of the apartments across from mine on a stretcher and put into an ambulence and taken away... no idea who it was, what happened, or any of that... should say something in the UPD clips next week, so maybe I'll post an update. also, rumors can be trusted to surface soon.
Murphy's Law, #3047 A fire truck will always wait until you have just started writing a paper to come booming up the hill, and then back up for 5 miles, unleashing a loud series of beeps right outside your windows.
because all I can seem to be right now is disconnected...
** Feminist Literary Critics, as a general rule, make me angry... like this one essay on Conrad's Heart of Darkness... This woman actually asserts that things like "powerlessness", "flabby", "pretending", and "weak-eyed" are feminine qualities. Uhm, excuse me? When someone asserts that qualities like this are female, and it's not Joseph Conrad, then who exactly is transgressing against women? She fails to qualify her statements with anything concrete, which irritates me because she's the one who is labeling certain qualities with a gender, not Conrad... oy... *mutters*
** so yeah, that vaccine I got... now I have a big, red, sore bump on my arm... *wimpers* this sucks... I hate shots, and now my whole effing arm is sore... bastards...
** so I checked the book list, for the books my profs for next semester have ordered... uhm, $99 for my biology book?!? doesn't that seem a bit effing ridiculous to anyone but me? I've never even met the woman, and already I hate her with a bloody passion... $100 effing dollars for one book... for that effing price it had better sing and do my homework for me.
** woooo... and because this isn't looking enough like bitch-fest 2002... my head has been hurting lately, and I can't seem to make it stop... pressure behind my eyes all the time (gee, I wonder what thats from), school stress, and a whole bunch of other b.s. that I just don't feel like dealing with at all.
** on an upside, things are going well with the doo-wap group, though it doesn't look like it'll be staying all-female very long. we might be doing our first public stint out on the university quad soon, but just a couple songs we've been working on.
So yeah, my schedule is now completely different from what I posted... 19 units and, god help me, only 3 of them are lower division... shoot me now, someone, please?!?
British Lit (Gender in 19th Century Lit... who let LDB in here???) MWF 10-11, 4 units
Integrating Feminity and Masculinity (hah! now there's one Chatham would not have had... I think...) MWF 12-1, 3 units
Psychology of Women (geeze, who did let Chatham in here??? ugh) W 4-7, 3 units
Bio Lab, M 2-5, 0 units (bastards)
English Colloquium (Raymond Carver) M 7-9, 1 unit
World Lit (Dostoevsky) TR 9:30-11, 4 units
General Biology, TR 11-12, 3 units
English Colloquium (Nature Poetry... ah, Chatham... how dost thou haunt me so?) W 2-3:40, 1 unit
And there you have it... 19 units = I'm insane = will be a babbling idiot by summer, but at least should not have to take classes over the summer... Ironically enough the only one I'm actually apprehensive about is Biology, because I am so not a science person... but I checked the course webpage and looked at all the stuff we'll be doing... looks remarkably like the one I took in high school, except easier... and while HS Bio was not my strongest class, I did still pass with a decent grade, in honors no less... so I'm hoping if I actually stay on top of things I can ace it. I think I might still be getting a 4.0 this semester, and perhaps I'm delusional, but I hope to do the same next semester to pull up my overall GPA a little more... Man, when did I become such a damn nerd??? There were seriously times when I risked not graduating high school by leaving off everything to the last minute, and now this? See, this is what happens when I have no life and too much time on my hands... so yeah, maybe in some odd ways it's a good thing I transfered here? Besides, hopefully being busy will keep me from dwelling on things too much, and make the time go by a bit faster. I feel like I'm serving a sentence here... 1 year and 5 months left to graduation, if I can pull off this many units in a semester... 1 year and 5 months. 17 months. It's not too much, right? It'll go by quickly, right?
so yeah, some things, randomly floating in space...
- despite the previous entry, I've actually had a decent day so far... though I do admit to being a wee bit pissy in light of a few recent events which I'll not go into. yes, I'm irritated with someone, but I'm not going to sink to airing my grievances in an online setting. if I bring it up at all it won't be in front of spectators.
- so I had to get a shot today. have I mentioned that, despite being 23 years old now I am still a big baby when it comes to needles? and that I especially hate it when the shot in question is unnecessary? since it's a vaccine I had before but I neglected to get my immunization records? and that MMR vaccines sting like a bitch? well yeah, all of that. but I took it uncharacteristically well, even didn't tense up so I shouldn't have a bruise. go me.
- I have decided on my prefered class schedule, and here it is:
British Lit, Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10-11am (4 units)
Biology Lab, Monday 11-12 (0 units.. bastards)
Integration: Feminity and Masculinity, Monday/Wednesday/Friday 12-1 (3 units)
English Colloquium, Monday 7-9pm (1 unit) (first half of semester)
English Colloquium, Wednesday 2-3:40 (1 unit) (second half of semester)
World Lit/Dostoevsky, Tuesday/Thursday 9:30-10:50 (4 units)
General Biology, Tuesday Thursday 11-12 (3 units)
American History to 1977, Tuesday Thursday 12:30-2 (3 units)
so yeah, thats 19 units. 19 units = no life, but a) I don't have one right now anyway, b) it means I graduate sooner, and c) graduating sooner = get away from here sooner... here isn't such a bad place, really, except that it's a bit lonely behind the redwood curtain.
- looks like I may soon be getting a visit from 3 of my friends... who knew? of course, nothing is definite yet, so I'm not getting my hopes up yet. but it would definitely go a long way towards lifting my spirits, thats for sure.